I've shared a little about how tough this year has been. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally -- just all around tough. Has it been a good year? Absolutely! But the older I get with more experience under my belt, the more I realize this truth: it doesn't have to be perfect to be good.
As a result of the trials we've walked through as a family, we've become stronger, more resilient, more understanding, more compassionate, less quick to pass judgment, less fearful. Simply put, as we have endured tough things, a tough spirit has developed. And learning what tough actually means has been enlightening on so many levels.
The biggest change we've gotten used to has been welcoming our daughter into our family. We've walked through an open adoption for a whole year, and it has been equal parts beautiful and heart-wrenching. It's one of those things that you can't fully comprehend until you're in it, but it's something we've given our lives to now. I used to think that adoption was one thing, and it wasn't until this year that I learned it's something else entirely.
A fresh perspective on life in general has opened our eyes and hearts to many things, and open adoption has been a huge part of that.
The second biggest change we've walked in this year is more recent: our view of our finances. TJ and I have been frugal since the beginning of our marriage, and we are not strangers to living on a tight budget. Honestly, we never had a written budget until earlier this year because we believed we didn't make enough money for it to even matter. Boy, were we wrong. And boy, have we been blessed to learn this! While neither of us are big spenders and have always saved money, our eyes have been opened to several mindsets we were living in as a result of being students of our culture. Now that we've been taught a better way, we are now walking down a new path that will lead (and has already led) to so much fruit.
It seems to me that one of the biggest lies we tend to believe as a people is that prosperity is a result of a certain salary or income. I've read multiple sources recently that say our nation's average household income is around $55,000. While I won't share what our annual household income is, I'll just say that it's less than that. Why does that matter? Why would I share that? Simply to say this: if we can do it, you can, too. Dave Ramsey says this, and I wholeheartedly agree -- especially now that I've started paying more attention: "It's not a math problem, it's a behavior problem."
I started this journey on my own in January by listening to certain podcasts and reading a handful of books I rented from the library, and I waited for about six months before sharing it with Teesh. I took that time to pray over the conversation we would have once I did share, and I also prayed a receptive spirit over him. I had multiple reasons behind this decision, and one was that although we both ere on the saving side of life, I'm more willing to lose my grip on our money (and most other things, in general) than Teesh is. That's why we make such a great team -- we keep each other in check! Once we finally had the conversation (and the prayers were effective, by the way; hallelujah!), we made four goals that we both agreed would require lots of faith and diligence:
1) Pay off our 2013 Honda Odyssey (our only debt, other than our home)
2) Pay for TJ's first semester of online graduate school with cash
3) Start saving for his next semester of school
4) Finish our Christmas fund (we do this every year, so this was easiest)
This little list was made during the first week of August, and now we're nearing the end of December. We had no idea just how conservative our goals really were when we penned them, but we knew within just three weeks that we would be adding to that list. This is what we have accomplished over the past four months:
1) Paid off our van
*3 years early, saving us a chunk in interest
2) Paid for TJ's first semester of online graduate school with cash
*Which, thanks to his INCREDIBLE hard work and DAILY early mornings and late nights, will be his ONLY semester! The original goal was for him to finish school in one year, but he is going to do it in less than SIX MONTHS! If you're reading this, be sure to tell him how awesome he is when you see him.
3) Fully funded our Christmas budget and purchased all gifts by the end of November
*I typically start shopping for Christmas in August/September every year because I've found that prices are better in the off-season. I try to be done by December 1st so I can soak in all the things that are most important to me during the Christmas season!
4) A weekend vacation to visit friends in Ohio for fall break
*Which included our van (yep, the one we just paid off) breaking down in WV and having to spend a few extra hundred dollars to get it fixed and rent a car to get home. Nope, that was not a fun way to end a great weekend. BUT we had the cash to pay for it right then!
*Which included our van (yep, the one we just paid off) breaking down in WV and having to spend a few extra hundred dollars to get it fixed and rent a car to get home. Nope, that was not a fun way to end a great weekend. BUT we had the cash to pay for it right then!
5) Pay for looooots of unexpected medical bills
*Bethany and I have been frequent visitors to multiple healthcare professionals over the last few months, and we've been able to pay for all bills as soon as we received them. Instead of being stressed out because we couldn't pay the bills that were coming in, we were just annoyed over the inconvenience of having to redirect where some of the money was temporarily going. Having a safety net is what turns a crisis into an inconvenience!
6) Saving for new tires for our van
*The price for the tires wasn't a huge amount, but it's more about the practice of being aware of upcoming needs and saving for them. We do this for our annual car taxes and a few other things, too. A little organization can be a lifesaver for fighting stress! We had originally planned to start saving for these in January, but circumstances (including a bum tire that constantly needs to be pumped up) enabled and inspired us to move our timeline up.
7) HAVING A FULLY-FUNDED EMERGENCY FUND!
*Y'all, this one is the most amazing of all! A fully-funded emergency fund is defined as 3-6 months (your choice) of monthly expenses, and we didn't think we would be at this point until the middle or end of next year. TJ being a graduate school ROCKSTAR definitely helped us get here so ahead of the original plan, as well as us selling things we'd been holding onto unnecessarily and living on less than we make (that last part is HUGE). Nearly $1,000 of our total EF amount came from us simply saving the money that used to be our car payment!
To clarify, we do NOT have this figured out, and we are definitely NOT professionals in the finance world. We don't think we are better than anyone else either; that's a fact. I don't share this for those reading to think that I'm "showing off" or looking for attention. We have just learned that there is a better way, and I want others to learn it, too. It's a way that not only heightens our accountability and like-mindedness within our marriage and family dynamic, but it also gives us a clear path towards short-term and long-term goals. We've shifted many perspectives within the large picture, and it has given us such a beautiful picture of freedom -- a picture that has always been the same, but now we just actually see it without scales on our eyes.
We've sat down together and talked through numbers and goals for next year, and I am SO excited to see how it all plays out. Our goals are not nearly as conservative as they were in August (lesson learned, LOL) and we will have to work hard and trust God a whole lot to check off all the items on our list, but we wrote them all down anyway. We ordered them from most to least important to us, and what we don't accomplish in 2019 will simply be moved to 2020. Sounds easy enough, right? We have our goals, a plan to make those goals come to life, and we are committed to walking this out hand-in-hand.
That last part -- the hand-in-hand part -- is what will either make us dreamers or goal-getters. I used to think there wasn't a difference between those two things, but now I know for certain there is. I heard this quote in a podcast about a month ago, and the truth in it applies to ALL of life, even finances: "There's not point in professing a power but then not demonstrating it in your life." Now instead of hoping for and dreaming of the best, we are being intentional about making plans that actually lead to the best. It's exhilarating, honestly, and there is no way we can go back to the path we used to walk.
Imagine how our lives if we changed our mindset from "one day" to Day One.
It could change everything! It has for us.
Our Day One was August 10th, the day we put our money where our mouth was and paid for TJ's school from our savings. If King David is right and God has numbered our days, then it would be a shame for us to waste our days -- our lives -- on things that don't last. On things that don't create a fruitful legacy for generations to come. For us, this has been so much less about our finances and so much more about holistically improving the quality of our lives. Hand-in-hand.
Always hand-in-hand. Always.
When will your Day One be? Today seems like a good one. Let's spur each other on in wisdom and cheer for each other, rebuking a spirit of jealousy or envy along the way. We can do so much collective good when we lock arms and refuse to settle for lesser things. The longer we do it, the more it becomes second nature.
Here's to getting rid of habits that hurt us so we can be free to help others do the same!
"Great blessing and wealth fills the house of the wise, for their integrity endures forever."
Psalm 112:3 (TPT)