I had a dream last night about a fire. It was blazing and hot and colored with deep reds and oranges. Blowing from side to side with the wind, it looked reckless and unpredictable. It looked strong, like it could do some damage.
Then, all of a sudden, the fire began to settle into a pile of embers on the ground. At first glance, you couldn't see that although the reds and oranges were no longer blazing, they were still there. Underneath a thin pile of gray ash, the deep tones of the embers looked almost majestic as they seemed to dance around together there on the ground.
I was staring at the embers in wonder and curiosity when I woke up from the dream as TJ rolled over and put his arm around me, mid-sleep.
Remembering the dream as I snuggled in close to him, my mind wandered back to the dream. To the embers. I began to think about how embers are considered the dying remains of a fire, but they're most commonly the culprits behind raging wildfires. And while they're not as hot as a fire itself, they are still hot and can easily be ignited back to being ablaze. Until they are ignited back to a fire or die out, they just are.
This got me thinking about my relationship with Teesh, especially since I awoke and it was officially his thirty-first birthday.
When we were dating, we were a blazing fire.
When we were first married, we were a blazing fire.
When we hit year six, however, we began to look more like embers.
And the more I saw it happening, the more I started to freak out. Mainly because we looked differently than we had for the past decade+ of our relationship, and I didn't like it.
We celebrated year eight over the summer, and over the past two years we've gone back and forth between a blazing fire and embers. I've still been frustrated by the lack of fire blazing, honestly, and I am receiving last night's dream as a word from God -- I receive that in the early morning of my Teesh's thirty-first birthday, I saw a picture of how beautiful, awe-inspiring, and potentially powerful embers are.
And this morning as I continued to process this picture that had been painted for me, I haven't felt dissatisfaction or frustration or sorrow. Instead, I've felt gratitude and abundance and a heightened sense of what love really is.
Sometimes, love is a burning fire. Sometimes, it's not.
And oftentimes, we simply need to be reminded of that.
Always, however, love is a choice.
And I will forever, undoubtedly, faithfully choose love when it comes to my Teesh. When it comes to us, anything less would be a tragedy.
So, today, my birthday wish for him is more like a promise. I borrowed the words from Ben Rector, because he said it perfectly...
"Well, I'll be your rainy day lover
Whenever the sunny days end
And whatever the weather, we have each other
And that's how the story will end
Well, I'll be your shade tree in summer
If you'll be my fire when it's cold
And whatever the season, well, we'll keep on breathin'
'Cause we'll have each other to hold
And I'll hold you and I'll sing
Well, I wanna love you, forever I do
I wanna spend all my days with you
Carry your burdens and be the wind at your back
Well, I wanna spend my forever like that..."
Happy birthday to the man who changed my life when he was just a boy, and has continued to change it since the glorious day we became us. I'm celebrating you with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, Teesh. In my humble (and, ahem, absolutely correct) opinion, you're God's greatest creation. I love that I get to celebrate and love you every day!
