braxton michael | five years old.

Happy FIFTH birthday to you, my angel boy! Every year when this day rolls around, I am always amazed at how fast time goes by. You've grown more this year than any of the years that have come before, and I've loved having a front row seat to watching you become your own little person. I say it all the time, but it's only because it's true -- being your mommy is a sacred gift that I am so, so grateful to have received.

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You are so smart, dude! Seriously, you amaze us. You have such a curious little mind that is always trying to learn new things. You love asking tough, thoughtful questions, and playing board / card games is currently your favorite past time. We play Zingo, Hoot Hoot Owl, Match, Go Fish, and I Spy almost constantly (no, really...LOL), and everyone who plays with you can see the light in your eyes when you play. It's so cute to watch your wheels turn! When you're not playing board games, you're usually outside. We still spend most of our time outdoors (well, except for when it's super cold outside, because we typically hibernate in cold weather), and that's where you and Bethany are both happiest -- outside in the fresh air.

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You were a travel bug this year, too! You went to seven different beaches this summer (in SC and FL), and you even went on your first cruise! Mimi and Pops took us all on a week-long trip with Mickey Mouse and all his friends last summer, and it was so much fun. You loved every minute of it, and it was so much fun to watch you visit new places. You've already seen more of the world at age five than I did until I was probably in high school, and that makes me pretty proud and happy. Your mama is a travelin' fool, and I love that you, Sissy, and Daddy are along for the ride. We will be doing even more traveling this year (not quite as far as we went last year), but lots of fun will be had. Our final family trip of 2019 was to ride The Polar Express in Bryson City, NC, and our first family trip in 2020 will be spending spring break at the beach. Baaaaasically, there is SO much fun just on the horizon!

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You are hopelessly in love with Bethany, and you light up like a candle every time she shows you attention. When she grabs your hand or offers you a hug or kiss, you melt into a puddle right on the spot. It's the sweetest thing I've ever seen, truly! You, also, love to hang out with your friends and cousins, and you look forward to practices, parties, hikes, and church simply because you'll get to be with them. Annnnnnnnnnd speaking of practices, you have officially started your first season of basketball! You've had a handful of practices, and your first game was just last week. Most of our family was there to cheer you on as your own personal little cheering squad, too! I'd like to go ahead and apologize for how I'll embarrass you from here on out with all my hollering. Yikes.

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We had your birthday party yesterday morning, and you begged to have it at Spike's again. We had all-things-Spiderman present, and your family and about twenty-five of your best buds came to celebrate. After your party, we came home to open your presents and rest before the grand finale of the day. That's right, dude -- we finished your celebration day at Defy Greenville for an hour of jumping and dinner at Pizza Inn. Wahoo! Today was full of other obligations, so we made the most of the day before -- and you had a BLAST! So did the rest of us! Your life is always worth celebrating, but it's always fun to lay it on thick for your special day. Every year gets more fun, buddy! Buuuuuut let's just forget about how you start school this year for now (ahem, no crying on your birthday).

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My prayer for you this year as you continue to grow an learn and become more wholly yourself is this -- that you would be brave and bold, not letting fear dictate who you are, what you do, or where you go. My prayer is that your life is one oozing of faith, even as a five year old. I believe that you will encounter your good, good Father this year in ways that you haven't yet, and I can't wait to talk you through the revelations you encounter over the next year. You are a mighty warrior, strong when you feel weak and chosen when you feel passed over; and you are so very, very kind. The world will tell you that it's impossible to simultaneously fierce and kind, but I don't buy into that -- you are both of those things already, and I am so grateful!

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Braxton Michael, I love you with everything in my soul. Half a decade has gone by since we welcomed you into our world, and not a day goes by that I don't thank God for His protection over us that day. We've both got a lot of life left to lived, and I am so glad to get to walk this road with your hand in mine. You'll always be my miracle boy, and I'll always be here to listen to you, pray for you, play with you, challenge you, humble you (hehe), and give you all the love that I possibly can.

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Happiest birthday to you, my sweet boy!

nyc // day three.

Our final day in NYC was full of us soaking it all in, walking slow(er), eating delicious food, drinking delicious coffee, and hitting the last few things on our list. We slept in until almost 9 AM (holy smokes!!!!), grabbed a yummy late breakfast at a local diner called Westway Diner, a trip on the metro to Brooklyn to take in the city from afar. It was a chilly, overcast day that ended in rain, but the rain didn't come until it was time for our long walk back to our room for the night (conveniently, LOL).

Westway Diner // Times Square // Confetti was everywhere! // DUMBO

Manhattan Bridge

We found the iconic view of Manhattan that I'd been searching for, walked along the Hudson River, stopped for a coffee to warm us up, and explored DUMBO for a while before heading back over. We skipped lunch since we ate breakfast so late, and then walked to the iconic Flatiron Building before heading to the afternoon showing of The Rockettes Christmas Spectacular. This was one of our favorite parts of the whole weekend. I mean, WOW! I've always heard how incredible the Rockettes are, but to see it with my own eyes and be personally amazed was -- well, it was spectacular! It was very therapeutic to watch them do everything so perfectly, too. Teesh and I had to pick our jaws up a few times, and I caught myself wishing I had been a dancer. A must-see at Christmastime!

We bought our tickets nearly half-off by stopping by the TKTS booth in Times Square after breakfast, and it was still the most expensive thing we did while there. We knew we wanted to see a show while we were there, though, so we didn't mind the cost at all. It was worth every penny!

Brooklyn Bridge // DUMBO // Manhattan Bridge

Main Street Park (between Brooklyn Bridge and Manhattan Bridge)

Manhattan Bridge // View from Brooklyn Bridge Park // DUMBO // Flatiron Building

After The Rockettes, we walked a block up to Radio City Pizza for our final dinner of the trip. Pizza was our most eaten food (ahem, because my husband loves pizza and I love my husband), and every slice was so good. This particular spot was our favorite food-wise, but we both agreed that the atmosphere at Joe's Pizza was the most fun and memorable (we ate here for lunch the day before). After dinner, we walked back towards our room in the rain, and stopped for ice cream at a nearby place called Holey Cream before turning in for the night.

Our mileage total for this day was twelve miles, and by the time this night rolled around we were practically numb and professionals at ignoring the pain. No pain, no gain --right? That's the belief we held tightly to this weekend, anyway!

View from Brooklyn Bridge Park

We packed our bags the night before we left, set an early alarm, and crashed hard for the third night in a row. We went to bed with achy bodies, reeling minds, and full hearts. Three days in the city was plenty of time for us to see all we wanted to see, do all we wanted to do, and come back home with memories that will last forever. We closed out this day with no regrets and an abundance of gratitude for this dream-turned-reality.

New York City, you were a beauty!

A list of all the noteworthy places we saw / visited on day three:

Westway Diner // Brookyn // DUMBO // Manhattan Bridge // Flatiron Building // Radio City Music Hall // The Rockettes // Radio City Pizza // Holey Cream

nyc // day two.

Disclaimer -- this was NOT my favorite day, and I'm sure you'll figure that out by my verbage. BUUUUUUUUUUUT it was still a great one!

Our second day in NYC started with an early alarm and a debut on the TODAY Show! We were only on-screen for a total of maaaaaaaybe two seconds, but standing out in the cold before the sun came up was totally worth it. Yep, even though we both groaned as we slowly peeled our achy bodies from the bed. LOL! Our walk to Rockefeller Center that early in the morning was so magical, too, because of how calm the city was.

The TODAY Show

Radio City Music Hall // Times Square // Rockefeller Tree // TODAY Show Set

The rush hadn't begun quite yet, so we were able to walk the streets nearly by ourselves and watch the city wake up and come to life. I'm glad we got this moment to remember, because the rest of the day was spent in a sea of people who either a) thought they were insta-famous or b) were only concerned with themselves. *insert eye roll here*

After breakfast at a cute little restaurant / bakery called Le Pain, we headed toward the Brooklyn Bridge with what felt like a million of our closest friends (yikes). After lots of touching and shoving and just trying to get one dang picture together on the bridge, we then thought it was a great idea to hop on a free ferry to Staten Island for a close view of Lady Liberty (again, yikes). I was barely able to see the dang thing and get one picture because of all the people taking 2973897891263 of the same pictures on their iPhones and iPads. You would have thought I asked a few of them to jump off the ship when I simply asked them if I could squeeze in for a quick picture of my own (LAWD).

True story: the Brooklyn Bridge and Statue of Liberty were absolutely beautiful.

Also a true story: people are cray cray.

Brooklyn Bridge

Le Pain // Statue of Liberty // Federal Hall // Brooklyn Bridge

Macy's

We ate lunch at Joe's Pizza (a cool spot where Spider-Man 2 was filmed years ago, and many celebrities have frequented), walked through the NY Public Library (swooooooon!), had dinner at Shake Shack in Times Square (another decision that involved being touched by lots of tourists who would knock you down for a dang picture, but delicious nonetheless), and then headed over to 34th Street to see Macy's lit up at night. When I saw "Believe" lit up on the side of the building, I nearly passed out. I turned into a little girl again and squealed in excitement! After hanging there for a bit, we tried to get into a place called The Liberty (a bar frequented by Clemson fans) to watch the game, and missed getting a spot by seconds. I didn't cry, buuuuuuut I wanted to!

Shake Shack // Empire State Building // Macy's // NY Public Library

Times Square

After logging another fifteen miles in the big city, we headed back to our room and watched the game on Teesh's phone alone. There were other spots we could've gone to watch it, but I was pretty much over this day once that door was closed in our faces. The straw that broke the camel's back, I suppose!

This day confirmed that 1) I'm not a typical tourist (well, in my own eyes at least, LOL), 2) I am a big fan of personal space, 3) I may be becoming more introverted than extroverted as I age (I know, I know - a crazy thought), and 4) I'd go anywhere with my man!

We crashed hard this night (after, you know, having a few heart palpitations during the game) and slept in the next morning (a miracle, y'all). If this had been our final day in the city, I would have been really sad. But since it wasn't, stay tuned for our final day comin' atcha tomorrow!

A list of all the noteworthy places we saw / visited on day two:

TODAY Show // Brooklyn Bridge // NY Public Library // NY Courthouse // Carlo's Bakery // Shake Shack // Joe's Pizza // Macy's // 34th Street

Next up...day three!

nyc // day one.

We arrived at La Guardia airport in NY around 8 AM on a Friday, and we didn't stop until we hopped on another plane to come home the following Monday. That's right, folks...

WE SPENT A LONG WEEKEND IN NEW YORK CITY!

Literally a dream. A. DREAM. I've wanted to visit this magical place since I was just a wee little girl, and it still feels surreal to be on the other side of it. Teesh and I made the #bargeronbucketlist when we were newly married, and this particular check mark is one that I cautiously hoped would happen one day. I still can't believe it actually has!

We began planning and saving for our trip to the city in April of 2019, and the purpose behind it (other than the fact that we've always wanted to go together) was to celebrate all of the financial changes we've made over the past year and a half. Being on this debt free journey has inspired us to dream again, and to believe in ourselves. We know now more than ever that we are responsible for our own decisions, and we're committed to making ones that help us -- both in the present moment and in the future. We don't want to waste our potential anymore like we did not so long ago. We want to be good stewards of all that our good Father has entrusted us with.

I always thought that a trip like this would cost us a lot of money, and I suppose that's why I simply turned a blind eye to my burning desire to go. While it might be taboo to share actual numbers, I'm proud to do so! Mainly because I hope it debunks the lie that you have to have a lot of money in order to have a lot of fun, a lie that I used to believe.

No, we didn't fly first class.

No, we didn't stay in a fancy hotel.

No, we didn't eat fancy dinners.

Why? Because that's not our style.

So, what did it cost for the two of us to spend four days and three nights in NYC at Christmastime?

Less than $1,500!

A third of that total was our flights, a third was our room, and a third was spending money while we were there. We kept up with our spending as we went along, too, so we didn't spend too much too fast. This gave us so much peace of mind!

Now, on to the fun part...a diary of our days!

We walked twenty miles the first day, crossing off about two-thirds of our big list of must-sees before the second day even began. Wahoo! We explored on our own for the first part of the day before joining in on a guided walking tour experience that we booked through AirBnB. By the time we crawled into bed that night, our whole bodies ached. We even had to make a pitstop at RiteAid for Advil, bandaids, and Neosporin. #weold

It was crazy to see so many places I'd seen on a screen my whole life right in front of me, and I smiled all day long. I think that was my most favorite thing of all. And even with our heavy overnight backpacks on from travel, we didn't miss a beat as we proudly and excitedly walked until we crashed!

Grand Central Station // Bryant Park // NY Public Library // Times Square

Rockefeller Center

Radio City Music Hall // Rockefeller Center // Saint Patrick's Cathedral // Tiffany's

Central Park

Manhattan // Central Park // View from the High Line // Outdoor Market

Fearless Girl

Bubble Tea // Street Post // Chinatown // 9/11 Memorial

We loved the High Line!

FDNY //Lights, lights, and more lights // Skyline

We had great weather all weekend, too, which was a real treat. I didn't even wear my hat, gloves, and scarf for most of the first day because of how nice it was. We ate at Levain Bakery (an oatmeal raisin and cappuccino for Anna), a local pizza spot for a mid-morning snack (for Teesh), YaYa Tea for our first go at Bubble Tea, Don Antonio's for dinner, and late-night cupcakes from Baked by Melissa.

We, also, opted for a 7-Day Metro pass for transporation, and we are SO glad we did. We took the Subway A LOT, and it was nice to not worry about how many times we wanted to pay for individual rides. I highly recommend getting one (for each of you) if you are going to be there for a few days and plan to see all the places you want to see. Also, download GoogleMaps because it literally was our best friend for the whole trip. I even told Teesh that I feel like I should purchase a Google product to give them a proper "thank you" for all the times it saved us during this trip. Like a guardian angel. LOL! Buuuuuuut seriously.

Also, I learned that public restrooms are not easy to come by. Annnnnnnnnd if you do find one, be prepared to wait in line at least thirty minutes before you actual get to use a potty. I contemplated just barging into the men's restroom every dang time!

Our first day in the city was probably my favorite day of all, simply because I'll never forget how it felt to stand with the huge buildings towering over me, the bright colors from Christmas at every stop, my man by my side (or, let's be real - behind me as I walked so fast I nearly left him in the dust a few times #newyorker), and the screen come to life before my eyes.

Pure magic!

A list of all the noteworthy places we saw /visited on day one:

Times Square // Little Italy // Chinatown // Grand Central Station // Radio City Music Hall // NBC Studios // Good Morning Amerca // NY Public Library // 9/11 Memorial // Empire State Building // Levain Bakery // DUMBO // Rockefeller Center // Bryant Park // Central Park // Charging Bull // Fearless Girl // Saint Patrick's Cathedral // High Line // Chelsea Market // Hell's Kitchen // Trump Tower // Tiffany's // 5th Avenue // The Oculus // The Vessel // Financial District // NY Stock Exchange // Manhattan

Next up...day two!

rooted // 2020.

 2015: trust.

2016: healing.

2017: growth.

2018: discipline.

2019: new.

and this year?

2020: rooted.

our word for the new year reveals our desire to be rooted in our identities as sons and daughters of our good, good Father; in wisdom and love; in strong relationships; in enduring faith; in the belief that we are able to face and overcome hard things; in good decisions (personal, financial, etc.) that help us both now and in the future; in our commitment to each other.

here is our why:

“In the same way you received Jesus our Lord and Messiah by faith, continue your journey of faith, progressing further into your union with him! Your spiritual roots go deeply into his life as you are continually infused with strength, encouraged in every way. For you are established in the faith you have absorbed and enriched by your devotion to him!” -Colossians‬ ‭2:6-7‬

we are runnin’ into ya full force, 2020! 

thirty-one | a promise.

I had a dream last night about a fire. It was blazing and hot and colored with deep reds and oranges. Blowing from side to side with the wind, it looked reckless and unpredictable. It looked strong, like it could do some damage.

Then, all of a sudden, the fire began to settle into a pile of embers on the ground. At first glance, you couldn't see that although the reds and oranges were no longer blazing, they were still there. Underneath a thin pile of gray ash, the deep tones of the embers looked almost majestic as they seemed to dance around together there on the ground.

I was staring at the embers in wonder and curiosity when I woke up from the dream as TJ rolled over and put his arm around me, mid-sleep.

Remembering the dream as I snuggled in close to him, my mind wandered back to the dream. To the embers. I began to think about how embers are considered the dying remains of a fire, but they're most commonly the culprits behind raging wildfires. And while they're not as hot as a fire itself, they are still hot and can easily be ignited back to being ablaze. Until they are ignited back to a fire or die out, they just are.

This got me thinking about my relationship with Teesh, especially since I awoke and it was officially his thirty-first birthday.

When we were dating, we were a blazing fire.

When we were first married, we were a blazing fire.

When we hit year six, however, we began to look more like embers.

And the more I saw it happening, the more I started to freak out. Mainly because we looked differently than we had for the past decade+ of our relationship, and I didn't like it.

We celebrated year eight over the summer, and over the past two years we've gone back and forth between a blazing fire and embers. I've still been frustrated by the lack of fire blazing, honestly, and I am receiving last night's dream as a word from God -- I receive that in the early morning of my Teesh's thirty-first birthday, I saw a picture of how beautiful, awe-inspiring, and potentially powerful embers are.

And this morning as I continued to process this picture that had been painted for me, I haven't felt dissatisfaction or frustration or sorrow. Instead, I've felt gratitude and abundance and a heightened sense of what love really is.

Sometimes, love is a burning fire. Sometimes, it's not.

And oftentimes, we simply need to be reminded of that.

Always, however, love is a choice.

And I will forever, undoubtedly, faithfully choose love when it comes to my Teesh. When it comes to us, anything less would be a tragedy.

So, today, my birthday wish for him is more like a promise. I borrowed the words from Ben Rector, because he said it perfectly...

"Well, I'll be your rainy day lover

Whenever the sunny days end

And whatever the weather, we have each other

And that's how the story will end

Well, I'll be your shade tree in summer

If you'll be my fire when it's cold

And whatever the season, well, we'll keep on breathin'

'Cause we'll have each other to hold

And I'll hold you and I'll sing

Well, I wanna love you, forever I do

I wanna spend all my days with you

Carry your burdens and be the wind at your back

Well, I wanna spend my forever like that..."

Happy birthday to the man who changed my life when he was just a boy, and has continued to change it since the glorious day we became us. I'm celebrating you with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, Teesh. In my humble (and, ahem, absolutely correct) opinion, you're God's greatest creation. I love that I get to celebrate and love you every day!

bethany victoria | two years old.

I can't believe it's true, but it certainly is. You are officially TWO YEARS OLD! What a year it has been. You are a real life sour patch kid, equal parts sour and sweet. You keep us on our toes at all times, but we love it. You are already such a strong, independent little lady -- honestly, the more independent you become, the more content you are. As much as it makes my mind spin, I admire you for it; I guess you remind me of someone I know. I hope you never lose your fight, and that you learn to fight for the right things in life -- the good things. You are a force to be reckoned with, my girl. I already know that even just two years in.

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This past year has been full of fun, fun, fun. We have laughed, hiked, walked around our town more times than I can count, frequented the library and the grocery store more than any other places (yes, food and books are basically life around here), run through sprinklers, splashed in the pool, gone to the fair, and went on soooo many adventures. A few special adventures include pumpkin picking, apple picking, trips to the beach (some spontaneous, others planned), dressing up as SuperGirl for Halloween, etc, but the most exciting thing we have one this past year is when we set sail on a Disney cruise! One week on the sea with stops at three tropical islands was a wonderful treat for us, especially since we were with Daddy's whole family. We even went down to Florida a few days earlier to visit a couple new-to-us beaches to make the most of our vacation. I think this goes without saying, but I'll say it anyways -- we loooooove the beach around here!

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You love to dance and run, and wide open spaces are your favorite places to be. You are still learning to talk, but we've gotten pretty good at interpreting what you're saying. We call it Bethany-ese, LOL! Regardless, we just love to hear your sweet voice. Now when you're pterodactyl voice comes out and you go to screamin', on the other hand, it's not so pleasant. Girl, you've got some pipes. I just hope that one day you'll use them to sing duets with me instead of hollering.Whew. My eye twitch is stroooooong when you let out those sounds. Ha!

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You've got a big appetite (God forbid you ever develop a dairy or gluten allergy, because you love bread and cheese) and you love to sleep (which is much appreciated after a whole year of no sleep before you turned one). You love Mickey and Minnie Mouse, unicorns, princesses, Elmo, and animals. Your favorite animal is a puppy, hands down. You melt when you see dogs, and it is the cuuuuutest thing. So cute that I've tried to convince your daddy to get us one, but I don't think it's going to happen. We'll just keep playing with Justin and Becca's pup next door indefinitely! ;)

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We had your birthday party yesterday, and it was the most fun! About fifty of our closest friends and family came to celebrate you, and we basked in the presence of all-things-Minnie-Mouse together. We are going to continue the celebrating today by going to church together as a family (a rare treat to have me along for the ride!), and then eat a yummy lunch together. Your gift from us will have to wait a couple of weeks, but I promise it will be so fun. We are all about experiences over things, and this gift will further prove that. We're just so excited to spend your special day with you!

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This day will always bring up big emotions for me, and I want to share these same words with you as I did your big brother on his second birthday -- "Jesus has been so sweet to me since that day, though, gently teaching me that it's okay to bring my brokenness to Him, that I can trust Him to heal my heart." Both of my children's birth stories involve intense trauma, and as much as I wish that wasn't true we're all learning to thrive and choose joy in the midst of hard things. Sometimes I still picture you hooked up to all those wires and breathing machine, the way you spent your first few days of life. I wanted to hold you on my terms and let you feel my love, but I had to get creative. I hope you felt my presence with you then, and I hope you still do now. Your life is already more significant in just two short years than many others who are much older than you, I believe that with my whole heart. I know what an overcomer you are, my girl. And I'm so grateful to walk with you through all your days, the good and the bad. Even more grateful that it's not just me walking with you.

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Happy birthday to you, Bethany Victoria. If I could only have one of my prayers answered for you, it would be this -- that you know how much you are loved. Because when you know that, you can really grow and become the person God had in mind when He made you. We love you so very, very much!