bethany victoria | birth story.

Today is December 7th, which means that it's baby girl's due date. We have loved these extra twenty days that we've had with her, and she has already showed us how tough she is by all she's endured since her birthday. I can remember her first mama telling us her due date and how I thought this day would never get here -- and yet here we are. More blessed than we've ever been before.

Early on, Bethany's birth mom joked about not wanted to be pregnant for Thanksgiving so she could actually eat all the yummy food, and I began asking God to honor her desires and send baby girl to us a couple weeks early. I now know that I should have prayed more specifically, because although she came around the time that I'd been asking for her to come, she did not come without difficulty.

Her birth story is one of strength, tears, endurance, and hope -- I'm grateful to share it with you now.

*Photo by EmilieCarol Photography

We went in on Monday morning for first mama's weekly appointment with the doctor. Her blood pressure had been high for a while and was dealing with a pregnancy-related complication called cholestasis, so we had been hearing the word "induce" for several months. Her blood pressure had gone up since the last appointment and was at risk of pre-eclampsia, but I think we were all surprised to hear, "You'll be 37 weeks on Thursday, so plan to be at the hospital at 8 PM on Wednesday to start your induction." WHOA! I rushed home to do as much around the house as I could for the next two days, packed my bags, spent time snuggling Braxton as his time as my only baby was coming to a close, went on a final pre-baby date night with Teesh, prayed endlessly, and then hit the road to prepare to meet our daughter.

After 48-hours of labor, the induction sadly proved to be unsuccessful. Bethany's birth mama was so strong through the medically-induced contractions during those two days, and she endured everything with grace. It was an honor to hold her hand mid-contraction, braid her hair to keep it out of her face, and try to make her smile those two days. And when the time came for her to be rolled back to the operating room, TJ and I proudly stood beside her mom in our blue scrubs ready to be there with her through this next test of endurance.

*Photo by EmilieCarol Photography

*Photo by EmilieCarol Photography

Bethany was born at 8:03 PM, and the doctor held her up for us to see her over the sheet seconds after she emerged. Oh, what a sight it was to see our daughter for the first time! The nurses cleaned her up as we stayed glued to our first mama's side, and they invited me over to see her after a few minutes. She was so beautiful! I cried as I looked at her, just as I'd been doing the whole time we'd been in the operating room, because I couldn't fathom that this baby who had just been born from another woman would call me mommy.

I cried because after all the pain our birth mama had gone through to bring this precious girl into the world, she would place her in my arms to be my daughter. The weight of that was nearly too much for me, and I could hardly see anything through the flood of tears filling my eyes.

After a few minutes, I returned to this beautiful mama's side, gripping her hand in mine once more. My eyes went back and forth between her and our daughter, my heart breaking because I could not be two places at once. A few people in yellow scrubs entered the operating room, and I noticed that they were shaking their heads at each other while looking at Bethany's stats. I started to grow increasing concerned, because she hadn't cried very much either.

Then, a doctor approached us to say that Bethany was perfect, but was having some trouble breathing. When the words "NICU" came out of her mouth, my heart dropped and my mouth began to quiver. The doctors let me carry Bethany from the cleaning table to the door before they scooped her out of my arms and into the transfer bed. They wheeled her down the hall, told us to give them an hour or so to get her settled in, and then they vanished around the corner. My mama heart was hurting to so badly!

*Photo by EmilieCarol Photography

*Photo by EmilieCarol Photography

*Photo by EmilieCarol Photography

Bethany's birth mama was moved to a recovery room, and we stayed with her for a little while before we went out to the waiting room to update our family. I got a little light-headed after all the craziness had subsided, and I needed a minute to regain my composure. I even had some flashbacks of when Braxton was born, too, which didn't help the sorrow pulsing through my whole being. I knew she would be okay because there was peace in my achy heart, too, but I was overwhelmed by another delivery taking us by surprise -- only this time was worse for me, because I had to watch this baby who had all my love struggle to breathe and be surrounded by doctors and nurses instead of her mommy and daddy. I was okay and she wasn't -- and that's any mama's worst fear.

*Photo by EmilieCarol Photography

*Photo by EmilieCarol Photography

After we updated our families and I had a bite to eat, I made the trek to the NICU to see our baby for the first time since delivery. I had to go alone because TJ didn't have a hospital bracelet, and I tried to prepare myself through prayer as I walked over. Nope, I definitely wasn't prepared. When I saw her laying there with a CPAP on her head, an IV in her arm, and wires hooked up all over her tiny belly, I lost it. The grunting noise she was making really set me over the edge, because you could just tell she was struggling. As I was wiping tears from my cheeks, standing there terrified to touch her, her nurse walked over and put her arm around me. She assured me that she was in good hands, and that she was getting all the help she needed. Her kindness helped me feel slightly less uneasy, and in that moment I offered up my first ever prayer for NICU nurses and doctors.

I held her tiny hand for a few minutes before returning to TJ, hoping that the next time I visited he would get to come with me.

*Photo by EmilieCarol Photography

The next few days were a whirlwind of bouncing back and forth between Bethany and her first mama, making sure they were both okay. I held her for the first time on Saturday and TJ and her first mama held her for the first time on Sunday (the sweetest birthday gift for her daddy). Then, Monday came and it was a bright spot in our weariness. Papers were signed, Bethany came off of the CPAP, I finally got do skin-to-skin with her, AND they moved us to the transitional NICU.

*Photo by EmilieCarol Photography

*Photo by EmilieCarol Photography

*Photo by EmilieCarol Photography

*Photo by EmilieCarol Photography

*Photo by EmilieCarol Photography

*Photo by EmilieCarol Photography

We ended up staying in the hospital for nine days, but honestly, it felt more like nine years. Things were moving in the right direction once she got her CPAP off on Monday, but then Tuesday came. She was really jaundiced, so doctors decided that putting her in an isolette with bililights above her was the best option. She stayed under them until Friday afternoon, and the only time we were able to hold her was when we fed her. It was so hard to just stare at her from the other side of the plastic all day for so many days, and we were so thrilled when the doctors gave the report that her levels had dropped significantly from spending so much time under the lights. We could finally snuggle our sweet babe! Then, the next day, we were discharged. Oh, happy day!

We were so thankful to be going home with BOTH of our babies in our arms, anxious to officially begin our next chapter as a family of four. I'd heard how stressful the NICU was on parents, but now I can confirm the truth behind those statements. We were only there for a short time, but I have incredible respect and appreciation for NICU doctors and nurses, as well as exponential compassion and empathy for those who find themselves there. And parents with a baby (or babies) in the NICU and other kids at home -- wowzers. Finding someone to watch Braxton every day for nine days was a DOOZY, and we are sooooooo grateful to have such a wonderful family who rallied around us and made sure he was taken care of.

We are thankful to be home and well for the past twelve days, and we're still trying to figure out our new normal. We may not know very much about raising two children yet, but we do know one thing: we are blessed. Even in hardship and trials, God has faithfully provided for our every need, and we certainly don't take it for granted. He continually shows us His good character, and we're humbled to even get a glimpse of His glory.

Every time we look at Bethany or even hear the mention of her first mama's name, we see a glimpse of it.

Adoption is all-encompassing, but I'm ever grateful that we've had the opportunity to be stretched out so far for such a noble cause. We will never forget the blood, sweat, and tears that went into bringing our baby girl home. And we'll never regret them either.

Love made our family grow, and love will continue to be the reason that it flourishes and bears fruit.

*Photo by Emerson Iris Photography

Not to us, but to His Name be the glory.

Amen.