for the world you love, your will be done. let your will be done in me.

Have you ever wondered why things happen? Like why you overslept or why you’re craving onion rings dipped in honey mustard at 2 a.m. or why hearing one certain voice suddenly makes your world better? I am definitely a thinker. Therefore, my mind is always searching for the deeper meaning behind every little thing that happens and asking questions like it’s going out of style. It’s really an incredible gift, because 99% of the time I end up being in complete and total awe and amazement of Jesus, also known as the creator of all of those little moments. Sure, not all of the moments are glorious ones; sometimes they even stink so bad that the only thing my mind can think about is the next moment. But even through the uncomfortable thoughts, I am reassured that God’s holding everything together just like Colossians promises.

At some point in everyone’s life, they’ve probably heard the phrase “Everything happens for a reason” at least ten thousand times. And while I don’t doubt that everything does happen for a reason (in fact, that is one of the things I believe in the most), I do think that those words have such a deeper meaning than most people realize. The third chapter of Ecclesiastes is one of my absolute favorites, because it guarantees that there will be pain and tough times alongside times of laughter and times of healing. If that’s not the ultimate encouragement, I’m not sure what is. Things do happen for a reason. You can argue that to the death, but that truth will prevail.

If you really take time to think about how carefully and intentionally God has crafted each of our lives, up to this point, I don’t see how anyone could not have their entire world completely rocked. Everything in this whole world really comes down to one simple fact of life: His plans are far too good to let us be in charge of them. We screw up and make mistakes for the majority of our lives, yet we’re still a part of a plan that God himself calls “perfect.” Wow. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to wrap my mind around that. A perfect testament to God’s mercy and grace? I think yes.

I bend and I break and I fall apart and things don’t always go my way and I get distracted and I sometimes forget why I’m here, yet Jesus looks at me and my mess of a life and smiles. Why? Well, that’s an answer I may never know. But I’ll always ask, because I want to know his heart. I want to see the world the way he sees it. I want to look at a disaster and see the potential it has to be great. I want to be so hungry for his righteousness that all I can do is live my life every single day the way he lived his. I guess that’s why I think so hard about everything and ask so many questions.

“The man or woman who is wholly or joyously surrendered to Christ can't make a wrong choice. Any choice will be the right one.” I want to be the person that Tozer described in that quote. Free of worry. Living a life of total surrender. Illuminating with the love of Christ. Completely lead by the spirit. Awakened.

Any questions? :)

she either laughs or she cries.

Remember what I said about yesterday? Welp, everything I predicted was true. It was nothing less that EPIC. Kerbear got Top 6 in her first NATIONAL PAGEANT (so proud of you, roomie!) and Wakey!Wakey! was so incredible that I can’t even put it into words. Yepp, you guessed it…yesterday was UH-MAY-ZING! Exceptttttt for the following parts: the concert time was changed from 8 p.m. to 10:30 p.m. without any notice, a skunk stalked me while I was trying to get into my car, and I sat in two hours of traffic on the way back to my apartment last night because they shut the freeway down. Those parts were quite frustrating, and I am happy to report that they are done. Whew!

I would also like to point out that Los Angeles at night for a girl all alone is a frightening experience. Being the free-spirit that I am (a.k.a. always giving my daddy heart attacks), I usually don’t get scared of really anything (besides clowns and spiders). Last night when I was driving around and getting a good look at all the hoodlums roaming the streets, I made sure my doors were locked and my mace was within reach. Even the cop I saw in Starbucks was freaky. For the entire 20 minutes I was in there, he legitimately never stopped staring at me. Five words come to mind when I think about that situation: throw up in my mouth. And I probably would have if my caramel macchiato wasn’t so daggum tasty! The only good part about roaming around LA for two hours was seeing Grubbs and his friends on the road TWICE! Even after passing them when I first pulled into the theater. SAWEEEET!

Okay, so back to the concert…Grubbs and Caitlin Moe tag-teamed the performance. And NAILED every second of it. I am a SUCKER for the violin, and Caitlin made me gasp for air several times during that hour and a half. Made me wish I would have stuck with it when I played in middle school. I was pretty proud when I won the “Best Bow Arm” Award in 6^th grade, I must admit. Even daddy remembers me winning that award. Haha, those were the days!

That was tangent numero dos. I apologize. Okay, ONWARD! So during the concert, I kept thinking that Grubbs was making eye contact at me. I could never really tell though because of the lights, so I honestly didn’t think much of it. Once the concert ended, he said that he would be in the back signing autographs and taking pictures, so, of course, I moseyed on in that direction. As I was on my way, I stopped in my tracks because I spotted something that I’m surprised didn’t KILL me. What was it, you ask? Well, my friends, INDIA DE BEAUFORT was in the back of the room! Also known as MIRANDA from season 7! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I composed myself as much as possible (and boy was it tough) and jolted over to where she was. A couple was standing beside me and I asked if they wanted to trade cameras (who knew I could think so quickly when I was in my awe-struck state?) and take pictures for each other. They went first (mostly because I was dying) and when it was my turn, the first words out of my mouth were: “I’m so excited you’re here! I almost passed out on the floor when I saw you!” Ummm, how old are we? Word vomit is the precise reason I usually let P. Sawyer do the talking. India did tell me that my voice was “precious” though! I’ve heard that before, but somehow hearing that from her made me exxxxxtra happy! I got my picture (that I keep staring at) and gave everyone else a turn to stalk her. What a PERFECT surprise that was!

A few minutes later, Grubbsy walked back. YAY! And what did he do first? He smiled and walked up to ME and started up a conversation! And what did he say? Here are his words verbatim (since I’ve shamelessly memorized them): “Wow, your smile is even more beautiful up close than it was from the stage.” And what did I do? Well, that’s another thing I’ll remember forever. Only this time it’s because I did a wonderful job of embarrassing myself. The play-by-play: I choked on the air, coughed because I was choking, giggled, and then (here comes the unforgettable finale) I snorted. And he laughed…really hard. He even asked me what my name was! Now maybe he’ll remember me as “Anna, the girl who snorted” forever. If I’m lucky, that is! I got my picture with him, too, and I was officially the most excited girl in the world for the moment!

On a side note, I feel like I need to point out that concerts aren’t near as fun when you’re by yourself. Especially when you’re eavesdropping on other people’s conversations and you have no one to laugh about them with. The group behind me and the group in front of me in line were ridiculous. The girls behind me had an EXTREMELY skewed view of relationships and the girls in front me compared Kate to Lady GaGa. Ummmm, no. I had to laugh to myself. And immediately BBM those words to P. Sawyer, of course! They were out of their minds, and that's putting it nicely.

I got back to my apartment at 3 a.m. and went straight to bed…only to wake up at 5 a.m. for surfing with work today. Which was TOTALLY worth it, by the way! Good thing I’m a morning person AND an evening person. And it wasn’t hard to be in a good mood today with an excited with a bunch of chil’drens running around all over the beach. Even with practically no sleep, this 11-hour work day was one of the best. But then again, every single day so far has been! Blessed. Out. Of. My. Mind. Who knew three months could change your life so dramatically? I sure didn’t, but I definitely know it now. I just finished up my 11^th week with Outdoor Adventures. Holy moses, I can’t believe it! I’ll remember this summer for the rest of my life, and that’s a fact.

This evening has been spent cuddled up on the couch in my pjs. And, let me tell you, it has been wonderful just sitting here watching my favorite channel. Any guesses? I’ll give you a hint: it starts with a Dis and ends with a Ney. DISNEY! YAY! I’ve already decided that I’m going to crawl into bed soon, watch Dear John (yes, again), and turn in early for the night. That sounds like a perfect Friday night to me. :)

In the words of Out of the Box, “So long, farewell, to you my friend. Goodbye for now, until we meet again!” Old-school Disney makes my heart oh so happy. That also makes me miss my Wilber. And the rest of my family. I can't wait to see them in just a few weeks!

Welp, that's all folks. Seeeeee ya!

p.s. I love you, Teeeshay. ;)

so what will your legacy be?

Three words: HELLO SEASON 8! Oh my moses! I woke up this morning, look at the clock, and my very next thought was, “THEY’VE BEEN FILMING FOR FOUR HOURS BY NOW!” True life. Totally unashamed. Passion is one of my special gifts. Most of you are probably thinking that there’s an emphasis on the “special” part…and you’re probably right. Either way, I am STOKED! I even tweeted Sophia today. Even though she didn’t reply me, I am confident that her eyes at least SKIMMED over my words and she saw the avatar “amhende” for the very first time. That’s good enough for me! YIPPEEEEEE!

Tomorrow is also an epic day. Any guesses as to why that is? July 15^th, 2010. The Bootleg Theatre. Los Angeles. 8 p.m. Figured it out yet? Okay, here it is…WAKEY!WAKEY! is coming to Hollywood and THIS GIRL will BE THERE to see it ALL! YAYYYYYYYYYYYY! I don’t even care that I’m going alone. Okay, maybe I do a little. Truth is, I wish P. Sawyer was here with me because THAT would make it perfect. FO SHO! I almost wish filming hadn’t started up just yet so that all the LA peeps would be here for the show. How SAWEEEET would it be if I walked in and Sophia, Austin, Stephen, and Kate were standing there? I. Would. DIE. So maybe it’s best that they’re gone. Michal and P. Sawyer know how star-struck I get. It’s quite embarrassing. Haha, yikes!

Maybe Chad will come…oh wait. But seriously. A girl can dream. And that’s what imma doin’!

Well, since I’m on the subject, I feel like it’s appropriate to freak out about something. Ready or not, here it comes. (drum roll please) IT’S OFFICIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! P. SAWYER AND I ARE GOING TO WILMY AUGUST 24^thTHROUGH 28^th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Zipppppeeeeedeeeeeeedooooodahhhhhdayyyyyyyy!!! I wish I was going with her and B. Davis on the 1^st, BUTTTTTT I get to go…(another drum roll) 23 DAYS LATER!!!!!!!!!! That HAS TO BE a sign. I’m tired of saving all my humps.

Waitttttt, what?

Whew, sorry about that. Anyways, I’m super excited to see Grubbsy tomorrow night. And by super excited, I mean I can’t even breathe when I think about it. Like right now, at this very moment, I am reaching for my inhaler. Haha, okay, maybe I’m not…yet, at least. :)

Maybe this time tomorrow I’ll be waiting in line to meet Michael Grubbs…again. Totally not bragging. Well, maybe a little. It will make me feel like I’m in Wilmy, which would be amaaaazing right now!

“Cause I have made mistakes today. Yes, I have made mistakes today. Yes, I have made mistakes...”

and the sound of your heart. it’s the most significant sound in my world.

Welp, not only is my 55-day countdown over, but so are my 4 days with Teeesh. Isn’t it strange how we wish and wish and wish for a certain thing to happen and then when it finally does, the time passes by so quickly that we can barely take it all in? Fortunately, that’s just a small fraction of my thoughts from this weekend. Truth be told, it was the most refreshing couple of days I’ve ever had.

So I had it all mapped out in my head. When I saw him, I knew I would freak out and go into hysterical mode, run across the airport, fling my arms apart, and jump right into his arms. Even as I was driving to pick him up, I was bouncing up and down in my seat with excitement. When I pulled into LAX, I parked, got out of the car, and started walking towards terminal 5, still freaking out with spastic tendencies. As soon as I walked through the airport doors, down the hallway, and spotted him in the distance, however, the weirdest thing happened. I started walking slower, my stomach was all in knots, and I seriously felt like I couldn’t move. This was the first time in years that I was actually nervous about seeing him. I felt like I was in 7^th grade again, seeing him for the first time in math class. This thought even popped into my head: “What if he sees me and realizes that he didn’t miss me as much as he thought he would?” When he saw me coming, however, he responded just the way I hoped he would: his eyes lit up like it was Christmas morning, he hopped up from his seat, power-walked over to meet me, dropped his bag, and gave me the best hug I’d had since May 1^st, when he hugged me one last time before I left for the summer. I felt like I was in a movie—you know, the one where all the girls watching it are crying with huge smiles on their faces and all the guys are wondering why they ever agreed to sit through something like that. I was a character in my own fairytale, and we all know how much I love a good fairytale! ;)

After we left the airport, I gave him a tour of LA and then we headed to Dodger Stadium to see them take on the Cubs. I was proudly wearing my blue and red, in honor of the Cubs (I hope you’re proud, Steven Thornton!). On Saturday morning, we got up early and spent the day at Big Bear Lake. We hiked for the first part of the day, then just lolly-gagged around the town when our plans for kayaking got ruined by too much wind. Boo! We improvised by taking an unintentional tour of the entire perimeter of the lake and riding down the Alpine Slide. That thing was so cool! The rest of the day, we had random outbursts of “Jamaica has a bobsled team!” and it was awesome. We made our way back down the mountain and I introduced him to my favorite spot in town: the drive-in movie! We watched Despicable Me and Grown Ups, and I don’t want to play favorites, but Despicable Me blew Grown Ups out of the water! I am seriously thinking about naming my first little girl Agnes and buying her a stuffed unicorn in honor of the movie. SO! CUTE! Fact: when P. Sawyer and I have our next skype date, we WILL sing the unicorn song to each other. Mark my words!

On Sunday, my original plan was to take Teeesh to Catalina Island for the day. That was the plan until I researched prices and decided that the only thing I could do was to embrace my poorness. Plan B was to hang out at Santa Monica all afternoon, and that sufficed just fine! He saw and touched the Pacific Ocean for the first time, which is always an epic experience for anyone—I don’t care who you are! We hung out on the pier, rode the Pacific Wheel (one of my favorite things!), walked around the Third Street Promenade, and ate some yummy gelato! And speaking of gelato, remember that time they only accepted cash so we walked around for twenty minutes trying to find an ATM machine, only to discover that there was one in the gelato place right in front of our faces? Being observant is obviously both of our special gifts. At least we got some extra time to hold hands while we searched. :)

We left Santa Monica and went to Micki’s apartment for her birthday party! I was so excited that Teeesh got to meet Micki and Tomahawk, because I spend the majority of my free time with them and Kyle. It was also super cool to have three Hillcrest peeps in LA at the same time. Go Rams!

I took him by the Staples Center (which he actually enjoyed, despite the potential for that to just be salt on his open wound), then we came back to my apartment and just hung out.

We do a whole lot together, but my personal favorite thing to do with him is nothing. Because even when we don’t do a thing for hours at a time, I get to just be with him. We don’t have anything to prove to the world or to each other. We just are. And it’s always enough for both of us. We get to be weird. And quirky. And silly. And just laugh. I never laugh harder than I do when I’m with Teeesh. I also never scream and yell louder than I do when I’m with him. And that’s what makes me love him as much as I do. One minute we could be madder than hornets at each other and the very next minute, we’re legitimately rolling on the floor laughing at ourselves. I guess that’s what you get when you fall in love with someone who gives you butterflies and makes your heart skip a beat when he looks at you but also makes you want to cuss and brings out the absolutely worst in you.

I realized a couple years ago that love isn’t just an emotion. It isn’t something that you can have one day and not have the next. It doesn’t always come easy, and sometimes you really have to work at it. Love is a choice. A pursuit. It doesn’t always feel glamorous and you don’t always feel like you’re on top of the world. I still can’t believe that I have been blessed with someone who chooses to love me every single day just like Jesus loves me. It blows me away, yet it gives me peace.

I want to be with Troy Jerome Bargeron forever. Not because it’s all I’ve ever known or because I’m scared of change. But because I know that God made him especially for me. I could search the whole world and never find one single person that could ever love me more than he does. Or understand me better. And I want to be that for him, too. Always. And forever.

“Yeah well, I guess I can’t really help it if I found the guy I wanna be with my first time out. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Maybe if we’re not out there looking for the one we wanna be with forever then what are we doing?” –Haley James Scott

eleven hours & counting.

You’ll have to forgive the next couple of lines I am going to write. I am warning you that they will be out of control. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TEEEEEEEEEEEESH WILL BE HERE IN 13 HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN’T BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TROY JEROME BARGERON IS COMING TO CALIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay. Whew, that was a doozy! Now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, I think I should be good to go for the remainder of this recollection of my last few days. Maybe.

Last Thursday, we took a group of participants deep sea fishing off of Dana Point. We caught a lot of fish, saw a couple pods of dolphins (which was my personal favorite part!), and just got to spend some quality time together. There were a lot of new faces on this particular trip (to me, at least), so I was able to start building a relationship with them. Relationships are my favorite. I know, I know…that probably comes as a surprise to all the people reading this who know me. Anna? A fan of people and relationships? ‘Tis true. Another plus of the trip was that not a single person got sea sick. SCORE! There is nothing worse than being sea sick when you’re stranded out in the middle of the ocean for hours. I’ve only been nauseous one time my whole life and it was miserable!

I got to go home 30 minutes early on Friday. Saweeeet! Getting off early, no matter how early, is just one of those things that makes everyone so excited. It’s the simple things in life, I tell ya. On Friday night, I did some cleaning, washed a load of clothes, and just relaxed. That relaxation continued on into Saturday, and I was more than happy to let it consume my life for a while. I finally changed out of my pjs and went to dinner and a movie with Marisa! Olive Garden and Eclipse all in one evening? Epic. That’s the only way to describe it. Team Edward, I promise never to leave nor forsake you. Even when you make me want to leap into Teesh’s arms and never let go. Hey, now that’s an idea. And, oh my gosh, guess what? I GET TO DO JUST THAT IN 13 HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh dangy, I did it again.

Anyways, back to what I was saying…Eclipse was absolutely incredible. Even more so because I got to watch it at a drive-in movie. YESSIR! Fact: I am going to miss that drive-in movie theater so much when I leave.

On Sunday, I worked from 12-4 doing activities in the hospital and at TLC. We played BINGO and wore festive 4^th of July hats in honor of the holiday. Awesomeness! After work, I headed to Manhattan Beach to celebrate with Tomahawk, Kyle, Lucas, and Justis. Micki and her parents met us down there later, which made me super excited because the whole group was together! Fireworks are one of those things that make me all googly-eyed, and this time was no different. I may have even been a little worse, because from the Manhattan Beach pier, I could see fireworks being shot all down the coast. Even up to Malibu. AMAZING! Every time I watch fireworks, I feel like a little girl again. They make me believe in magic and that everything is right in the world. I think that’s why I like them so much.

I was off on Monday, and I did the best thing ever: I had a personal day. I went to the movies to see Knight & Day, ate a large popcorn, drank a large Dr. Pepper, and ate a whole box of Milk Duds. By myself. Yepp, you read it right. The ultimate fat day. And it was fabulous! I ended my evening by watching The Bachelorette with my two roomies. I only have five words to say about that: Jake and Vienna are ridiculous. But we all kinda knew that from the beginning, so I guess all the suckers who watched the show officially know that our time was wasted. Dear Ally, don’t disappoint us this time! Please and thank you!

Tuesday and Wednesday, I was in Kernville, CA white water rafting down the lower Kern River with Outdoor Adventures. It was absolutely INCREDIBLE. I hadn’t been rafting in over a year, so it was definitely a breath of fresh air to be back out on the water. On Tuesday night, we camped outside and I swear to you—I have NEVER seen so many stars out in one night. Holy. Moly. I even saw the MILKY WAY. I don’t think I slept more than two hours all night because I was in complete and total AWE of how huge and magnificent and MIND-BLOWING it was. God was totally showing out when he created all that. And I am beyond grateful that he did, because I love it! I wish I could sleep outside under the stars every night. For the rest of my life. As wacky as this is going to sound, I love feeling inferior and small. It really puts you in your place. In a good way. And it’s so incredible to really be out in God’s creation. It’s exhilarating.

Today, I didn’t have to be into work until noon. YAY! I slept for 11 hours (yessir!), did a load of laundry, cleaned my room, tidied the apartment, stopped by Chick-fil-a to get some lunch, and talked to Melly and Teesh on the phone all before going into the office. I was on a roll. All that sleep made me feel like a new person…and it was amazing!

After working at the hospital and TLC, I made my way to Hollywood to celebrate Tomahawk’s birthday! Wahooooo! A group of us ate dinner together at Joe and Judy’s house—which was absolutely beautiful, might I add. We had plans to go out for a night on the town after dinner, but ended up just hanging out at their house all evening. What had planned on being a night full of worldly craziness ended up being a night filled with lots of talk about Jesus. How. Cool. Is. That. I don’t know why the Lord chose to show me so much favor out here, miles and miles from everything I’ve ever known, but he did. And I’m always floored by it. Instead of me buying Tomahawk a shot for his birthday (like I had planned), I got to lay my hand on him and pray for him instead. Every person there got to pray for him. I’m smiling from ear to ear at this very moment just thinking about it. All the words in the whole world couldn’t describe how anointed tonight was. I am honored and blessed to have Tomahawk as a friend. That’s a fact! Did I mention that I had originally told him that I wasn’t going to be able to make it tonight, but then showed up to surprise him? Welp, I did. Seeing that shocked look on his face made all my deviant behavior worth it. Haha! Thanks to Lucas and Kyle for keeping my secret and helping me out. Who would have ever guessed that I would gain such amazing friends in such a short amount of time? My heart has never been so thankful!

So, it’s currently 2:43 a.m. on the golden coast and I am not even remotely tired. I wonder why? Hmmm….I’ve got a pretty good idea. It’s probably because TEEEEESH WILL BE HERE IN LESS THAN 12 HOURSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He’s going to be shocked when he calls me at 3:30 a.m. (my time) and finds that I’m actually awake. I told him that would be the case, but I don’t think he thought I was serious. I’ll show him!

I’ve got lots of super fun things planned for his visit. Since he’s not interested in the touristy things in LA (mostly because he doesn’t even know what they are, haha), we’re going to go exploring my favorite get-a-ways of southern California. YAY! I am already dreading him leaving and he’s not even here yet. After nearly seven years, I’ve still got it bad for that boy. And it gets worse and worse every day. :)

I feel like it’s Christmas Eve and I’m too excited to fall asleep! Especially since I just talked to Teeeesh and he’s on his way to Charlotte! IT HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN!!!!!!!!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYYYY!

I think I’ll go to sleep now to pass the time quicker! Gooooooodnight! Well, really, it's good morning. But we'll improvise just this once. Let the tossing and turning all night begin! :-D

unspeakable joy.

For years and years now, nearly everyone I've met always asks me the same question at some point: "How in the WORLD are you so happy all the time?" And even though I've heard it so many times, I am always caught off-guard by it. My very first thought, however, is always the same: "How are you not?"

To preface these next few lines, it is super important that I make one thing clear--I haven't always been the chipper girl that I am today. Although it's even hard for me to imagine not being joyful at this point in my life, I can still remember when I wasn't. I was a good pretender and I knew how to play the "my life is perfect" game, but I was a wreck inside. As a matter of fact, my favorite quote used to be "I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken, and the one that could always brighten up your day even if she couldn't brighten her own." Sounds harmless, right? That's what I thought. Until I realized how weak and insignificant I really was in the grand scheme of things. And how hard it was to keep a smile on my face when it was the last thing I wanted to do.

Middle school is rough for everyone. I don't know if you remember your middle school days, but I definitely remember mine. Although they're not something that I would want to go through again, they were filled with lessons that have stuck with me ever since. The most important lesson? I can't do things on my own. Well, at least not if I want them to work out for the best. And I kid you not...the very second that I realized that, my entire world changed.

Since that day, curled up in a ball on the floor in my room bawling my eyes out, nothing has ever been the same. Nothing. My relationships changed. My attitude towards life changed. The way I carried myself changed. Even my interactions with complete strangers changed. And there's only one explanation for that: Jesus.

Happiness is fleeting. Moods go up and then they come down. Then there's joy. The kind that David refers to in Psalm 28:7 when he writes "My heart LEAPS for joy." What a beautiful picture.

What if that's how we lived our lives every day? What if our main goal was to be GLAD and JOYFUL because of who he is and what he's done? What if instead of merely surviving through each day, we really lived in the hope and joy and love that is found when we chase after his heart?

I absolutely love how Linda Child put it: "You find yourself refreshed in the presence of cheerful people. Why not make an honest effort to confer that pleasure on others? Half the battle is gained if you never allow yourself to say anything gloomy."

What if we lived each day to build each other up instead of tearing each other down? Or simply held our tongue when given the opportunity to say something mean or hurtful?

Or just smiled at someone? Not a forced grin. I'm talking about a huge smile that lets people count every tooth you have in your mouth. The kind that you couldn't cover up if you tried with all your might. The real ones. Those are my favorite.

So, to come full circle, here is my answer to that frequently asked question I referred to earlier: I have cares, and I have worries. And sometimes I get angry and overreact to things that happen to me. But my God is bigger than all of those things. And he has called me to live out Hebrews 12:2-3 every single day. Through good times and bad times. Even though my flesh wants the complete opposite. It's not always easy, but it's always worth it. And it pleases the man who died just so I could live.

Live a life of JOY. The kind that can't be explained using all the words in the world. The kind that changes your own life then uses you to change the lives of others. The joy given to us by the one who created it. And us. :)

"It’s your life, what you gonna do? The world is watching you. Every day the choices you make say what you are and who your heart beats for. It’s an open door. It’s your life." Francesca Battistelli

I know a place where the grass is really greener.

Remember that time Michal came to visit me in Cali-FREAKIN’-fornia since the last time I wrote?!?!?!? HOLY COW BATMAN!!!!!!!!! I honestly CANNOT believe that we counted down for THREE MONTHS and it’s already come and gone! I must say, though, that those five days were absolutely INCREDIBLE! Here are our never-ending adventures…in detail, of course!

Wellllll, I picked Michal up at LAX around noon-ish, and we immediately started being the ULTIMATE tourists! First stop? The Hollywood sign, OF COURSE! Thennnn we went to Hollywood Boulevard and took a tour of the city! We got to see a bunch of sites that I hadn’t seen before, which was an added bonus for me, too! During our tour, we rode RIGHT BESIDE….ASHTON KUTCHER!!!!!!!!!!!!! Andddddddd saw Dr. Phil and his wife on their front porch! He waved to us and even yelled out, “hey guys!” YAY! After the tour, I took Michal to have her first In-N-Out burger! SUCCESS!!!! Not only were the burgers excellente, but they also came with even better service….(cough cough) KEVIN!!!!! (cough cough)…wait, what? Hahaha Michal and I were quite obsessed with him. (Teeesh, if you’re reading this…I’m only joking. Sort of. Okay, not really at all. Pweeeeease forgive me! Haha!!!)

Once we finished up dinner (and lusting), I took her to Santa Monica so she could see the Pacific Ocean for the first time! We went onto the pier, rode the ferris wheel, then she put her toes in the cooooooooold Pacific for the veeeeery first time! Dave met us down there, too, and we planned our next day….THE SAN DIEGO ZOO!

And there ya have it, we road tripped to San Diego for the day with Dave! We stopped for lunch at Phil’s BBQ (yummy!) and then headed to the zoo! Which was HUUUUUUUUUGE, by the way! It’s definitely safe to say, I was obsessed. I got to see koalas AND pandas. CHACHINGGGGG! That makes ANY day a great one! We also discovered that Michal is a meercat whisperer. Not. Kidding. She whistled and they popped up from wherever they were and stared at her. SO CUTE! We were dyyyyyyying of laughter!

Day numero tres had two parts: touring the Pacific Coast Highway AND Downtown Disney! We went to Laguna, Newport, Huntington, Venice, and Malibu. All of them were so pretty—seriously!! The only bad part of the day was that there were a billion clouds in the sky and we didn’t see the sun poke through one time. Boo! BUTTTTTT the beaches were still incredible! After touring the PCH, we then ended our day at Downtown Disney! I found my wedding dress while we were there (one that I had actually already researched a few years ago and fell in love with it—it was designed after Belle’s yellow dress! AHHHH!!!!!), we took waaaaaay too many pictures of random things (i.e. Michal pretending to be Hannah Montana, trying on super cool sunglasses, hung out with Woody, etc.). I wish we could have gotten to go inside Disney, but thanks to the NOT COOL guy that lied to me and told me there were discount tickets (which there were NOT!), we just had to settle for the next best thing. We still got to see the fireworks show, which is my favorite part anyway!

Thennnnnn the fourth and final full day came. SO FAST. We slept in (because we were DEAD tired!), went to UCLA to pick up a couple t-shirts for Michal’s dad and future brother-in-law, went back to In-N-Out for some foooooooood (no Kevin :( boooo!), and then headed to House of Blues on Sunset for the SKYLINE concert!!!!! YAYUHHHHHH! We got there early enough to see them on the red carpet, which was SAWEEEEET! Not only did we get to see them perform, but we also met a few Nickelodeon and Disney Channel stars! WAHOOOOOOOOOO! We met Dan Samanos (Dean from Wizards of Waverly Place), Jake T. Austin (Max from Wizards of Waverly Place), Carter Jenkins (from Aliens in the Attic and Valentine’s Day), and Tony Oller (from As the Bell Rings)…we met a few others, too, but those were our faaaaaavorites! We. Were. Starstruck. Michal took the role of P. Sawyer in my life for the night…I was too busy freaking out to go up to any of them, and she took charge and got us in the in-crowd. I love how my friends complete the parts in me that are lacking! :-D And for the record, Skyline was out of control AWESOME on stage! I am so incredibly blessed to get to hang out with them this summer! Not only are they ridiculously talented, but they are also AMAZING people. They’re going to be BIG TIMIN’ in just a short while…mark my words! YAY!

And thennnnn the time came for Michal to leave me. And we both teared up while hugging each other bye. I am so thankful for such an OUT OF THIS WORLD friend like Mary-Michal Boyette Martin. Like seriously. How lucky am I to have a friend that was willing to save up all her money for MONTHS just to come see me across the country for five days? Now THAT’S what you call a best friend.

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember: you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is even if we're apart, I'll always be with you.” –Winnie the Pooh

There’s nothing like Winnie speaking the truth. That’s for you, my girls state best friend. I am SO thankful for you and our three years as bests! : )

Aaaaaaaaafter I dropped Nickelback (that’s for you, Teeesh!) off at the airport, I went to Six Flags Magic Mountain with Erick, Ry, and V! So. Much. Fun. And exactly what I needed after saying bye to Michal! We only got to stay for a few hours because they had to leave for an out-of-the-blue meeting, but it was SUPER fun even for a short time! I got to be the mommy for the day, taking care of my three boys. And I even got to have a baby bump for the special occasion. Anything to save a couple bucks, right boys?! Haha, they are SO much fun and I always love getting to hang out with them! The only thing that would have made those few hours flawless is having EMILIE CAROL with us! At least I have one Uphoff out here with me (for a few more days, at least!). And I am SO excited to see EC in just another month! When I GRADUATE. From COLLEGE. Holy smokes, when did this happen? I can’t believe that in just THIRTY EIGHT days, I will be a Clemson University Alum! WOWZERS!

Speeeeeeaking of countdowns...TEEEEEEEESH COMES IN SEVEN DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh. My. LANTA. I cannot wait! I am going to LEAP into his arms and SQUEEZE him until he can’t BREATHE when I pick him up from the airport! His trip is allllllllllll planned out, so the only thing left is for him to be here already! I miss his face! And that goofy grin that stole my heart all those years ago. : )

Toooooooday, I got to go deep sea fishing at Dana Point with work! We had a blastttttttt! We even saw more DOLPHINS!!! And LOTS of them! It was deeeeeefinitely thebomb.com! I had an incredible five days off while Michal was here (which I am SO thankful for!), but I sure am grateful to have a job that I actually look forward to doing every day! I could seriously work at Outdoor Adventures every single day for the REST of my life and be the HAPPIEST girl in the WORLD! Fact.

Tomorrow is an office day, which will be spent organizing the 50+ camp registration packets that came in the mail while I was off…whew! That’ll be fun. Actually it will be…why? Because I love my job! YAY!

I think that basically covers everything from the past six day. Exceptttttttt for ONE thing: today is MELISSA MASCARO’S 21^st BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!! YIPPEEEEE! I wish SO BADLY that I could be there with her to celebrate! I miss my east coast peeps so much! Espeeeeeecially when I miss HUGE things like this! 

Anddddddddd my wittle brudder’s state tournament for baseball. I feel like I’m missing out on so much but, at the same time, gaining so much more. I guess it’s true: sometimes you have to make sacrifices to follow God’s plan for your life. And THAT is something I will always be willing to do. All for the GLORY! : )

Alrighty, welp, until next time…hugs and kisses from the west coast. MWA!