braxton michael | five months.

I'm always amazed at how fast the months have gone by since your birthday, and this month is no different. You're almost half a year old, big boy! WOW! This past month has been busy, busy, busy just like the others, but we've been having lots of fun with every memory made. You love talking, flapping your arms + legs, lifting your head up reeeeeeeally high during tummy time so that you don't miss anything, listening to loud music (I have no idea where you get that one from - hehe!), laughing (and I mean belly roll laughing), being close to daddy, being outside (we spend most of our days out in the sunshine), and that's just the start. You still eat chug-a-lug five times a day, and you'll start eating solids in just one month. Crazy! I reflect a lot on how thankful I am to be able to breastfeed you considering how things started out, and even though you'll never remember these feedings, I cherish them all (yes, even the ones when you're distracted by everything). You're not a huge fan of your car seat, probably because it keeps you from moving so much, but you usually do okay once you're all strapped in + ready to go. You love to snuggle when you're sleepy, but you want to be facing outward if you're not - if you can't see what's going on around you, you let us know in a hurry! You rolled over from you belly to your back several weeks ago, and now rolling is all you do. You love to roll back and forth, cooing + laughing as you move around. You're, also, becoming more of a wiggle worm every day - little one, I'm pretty sure you cut flips in your crib while you're sleeping! I usually wake up to the sounds of you talking to yourself, and when I turn to look at the monitor you have somehow ended up on the opposite side of the crib facing the other direction. Doctors recommend that babies sleep on their backs, but there is no way that's happening now that you've learned to roll to your belly - you are a belly sleeper all the way (just like mommy). Doctors, also, recommend that bumpers are not used, but I am certain that you would have a cracked skull by now if you didn't have one to help soften the blow of your head banging into the sides of your crib while you're getting comfy. You're still teething with no teethies breaking the surface so far, and you're not quite sitting up by yourself just yet either. You're a strong lad, so we know you'll be holding yourself up soon, though. Daddy is officially home for the summer now (minus a few weeks of coursework), which means that we're going to have looooots of play time with all three of us until August. Yippee! We're kicking things off by keeping tradition alive and hiking to the top of Table Rock today (no time to waste!). You did it with us last year, too, when you were only the size of a little prune inside of mommy's belly. Now, however, you weight more than sixteen pounds, and daddy is going to get a big workout as he carries you up + down the mountain. Here's to hoping we live to see tomorrow!

You met your Aunt P. Sawyer for the first time on May 19th, you've been hanging out with our dear friends from Haiti during their visit to the States, and you've received dozens of hugs + kisses from them both since they had waited so long to meet you. A really special thing happened this past Sunday, too - one that means a lot to daddy + mommy + a lot of others: we stood in front of our family at Capstone Church and dedicated ourselves to doing everything in our power to help you learn to love Jesus! We are so thankful for the opportunity to teach you + show you how the Lord loves you, and our prayer is that you would one day love Him in return.

We've got even more excitement planned for this next month, and we're pumped that you will be celebrating your half birthday at the beach. That's right, little one, it's almost time for our first vacation as a family of three (twenty-nine days to be exact). Whoop whoop! Until then, I'll keep nibbling on your precious rolls, letting you punch me in the face while you swing your arms all around, tickle you until you bust out laughing, and telling you that I love you ten thousand times a day. 

vision casting.

On Sunday afternoon following B's dedication, around one hundred people gathered at the Fountain Inn Farmer's Market for a BBQ dinner + an opportunity to hear Pastor Andy speak about the vision that God has given him for what comes next for Hope Vision Ministry. Pastor + his family love the Lord more than most, and hearing him speak always confirms that truth. Thankfully, many people who had never met him before got to meet him, and hearts were touched by the heartfelt words he shared.

God is doing BIG things in Haiti, and it is a tremendous privilege + honor to have a part in it, no matter how small. The kiddos at HVM are very special not only to the Bargerons but to many other people in our community, too. Our hope is that more people will be lead to commit to helping out however they can + are able to, and we especially hope to hug + love on our entire beloved family in Port-de-Paix very, very soon. Praise be to God for bringing us together, and may His grace continue to move mountains + break strongholds!

If you are interested in sponsoring a child or helping us continue building the new orphanage in the Far West, please click this link and know that your gift is not in vain!

haiti comes to south carolina!

That's right, people, Fountain Inn is hosting some of Port-de-Paix's finest for a few weeks! Pastor Andy, Ma Pas, Timothy, Christina, and Grace flew in on Friday afternoon, and we've been making up for lost time since then. Many people have already secured some one-on-one time with them, the Bargerons included, and we pray that these next couple of weeks will be a time of both rest and play for them. On Friday night, the Barrineaus grilled out cheeseburgers + made homemade ice cream, and it was an evening filled with great eats + even better fellowship. Braxton got to meet them for the first time, too, and that's a memory that this mama won't ever forget.

It is such a blessing to love this family so much, and it overwhelms me to think of how much love they will have poured on them during their visit. God gave Capstone Church a tremendous blessing when He aligned our paths together, and He receives lots of "Thank you!"s from us because of it!

fearfully + wonderfully made.

The moment I found out I was pregnant with our first baby, I fell to my knees with both hysterical laughter and uncontrollable tears leaving my body at the same time as I whispered the words "Thank you, Jesus" over and over again. TJ and I had been diligent about praying for our children since our wedding night, but having a teeny, tiny baby in my belly prompted me to kick those prayers into high gear. From then on, I began praying various, very specific, Scripture-breathed prayers over him. Even now, nearly five months post-postpartum, it is my most favorite thing to do.

One of the most incredible things about being a mommy so far has been the outpouring of love that we have received since B's birthday. I still have people come up to me and tell me that they pray for us regularly, and I can't adequately put into words exactly how much that means to me. I firmly believe that although TJ and I have been given the beautiful responsibility of being B's parents, we aren't the only ones raising him. We've got an army surrounding us, and I know we're on the winning side. God has given us everything that we have needed + asked for thus far in this new season of our lives, and I have no doubt that His provision + providence will continue to prevail throughout our little guy's whole life.

Yesterday morning, we stood in front of our Capstone family and committed to raising our son up in the admonition of the Lord. That's not a commitment that we take lightly or think little of, but rather it is one that we are passionate about. TJ and I firmly believe that Braxton will know Jesus Christ as Savior one day, and it is our responsibility to help him grow + mature in a way that is pleasing to Him. Eleven other families stood alongside of us, three of those being parents + kiddos that are especially dear to us, and we pledged to love Jesus so that our itty bitty ones will have an example before them. Aside from our wedding day, TJ and I have never been so excited to answer "We do" to something, and we are so unbelievably thankful for the opportunity, the gift, to be parents.

Our boy is fearfully and wonderfully made, and I can't wait for the day that he believes it for himself. A few weeks before we found out we were going to have a son, I began asking God to tell me the prayers He would have me to pray over the growing baby inside of me, and words like strong, courageous, bold, watchful, humble, obedient, and leader were what He gave to me. After these same words kept being repeated to me, I knew that He was growing a boy inside of me - and not just any boy, but a boy who would mature into a man and fearlessly lead people in the way of the Lord. I believed it then, I believe it now, and we are already seeing the fruit of those prayers.

May God receive glory in the life of Braxton Michael Bargeron, and may he learn to love Him in return, in part, by seeing his daddy + mommy love Him with their whole hearts.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

Joshua 1:9

from me to you.

Dear high school graduate,

Congratulations! You have worked hard to get to this day, and you are saying goodbye to a season of your life that has lasted for thirteen years. Many of you have plans for what comes next, and I can certainly relate to the feelings of excitement and anticipation of opening up a brand new chapter that will hold much more than you know. You will make new friends, you'll slowly see old friends become acquaintances (feeling somewhat powerless as this happens), you will try new things, you will make mistakes, and you'll have plenty of decisions (both big and small) to make as you continue becoming an adult. You will smile more, cry more, get more headaches, laugh more, study more (if you want to pass your classes, of course) experience more confusion, and sleep less (usually because of the previously mentioned predictions). It has been eight years since I graduated from Hillcrest High School, and I still remember that glorious evening like it was yesterday. I was oblivious to just how many changes were on the horizon, but that didn't stop me from enjoying the spotlight as I proudly wore my cap and gown + gave my cheesiest grin with every flash of the camera.

Although the memories that I made while I was in college were (mostly) good + full of cheer, I still left with regrets. If I could share one piece of wisdom with you, it would be this: don't forget to really engage with the ones who have walked with you up to this point - your family. That may sound like a no brainer, but this is something that I failed to do and didn't realize it until just a couple of years ago. Sure, I would talk to them several times a week, and we would chat about shenanigans + share stories about our days, but I didn't take into consideration that I wasn't there anymore, so I didn't really know what all was going on. I was happy, the voices I heard on the phone sounded happy, we made happy memories when they came to visit (and vice versa), so I never really took the time to ask questions that went past the surface or to look deep into their eyes. It was selfish, really, and I had somehow tricked myself into thinking that this was my time to experience the world on my own, and that everyone else would be just fine. I was naive, and I missed out on a lot of opportunities to love on + comfort those who had loved me the longest + hardest. My experiences + accomplishments were typically the topic of discussion, and while everyone sincerely enjoy celebrating with me, I ignored + overlooked moments to celebrate them, too. This is a lesson I'm still learning, and although I have progressed by the grace of God, I know I will be fighting my fleshly desires to be the center of attention for the rest of my life.

So, graduate, my challenge to you is simple: keep your eyes open. Self-consummation is more popular today than it was eight years ago, but you can be an advocate for treating others better than you do yourself. We can be used to change the way our society functions, becoming more others-oriented in a self-oriented culture, but it won't be easy. A good thing to have while walking along a hard path is a friend to share the road with, and there are many who want to take this trip with you (myself included). As much fun as it is being the center of attention, it's even better to step out of the spotlight and help others find the Light that we're all searching for. I wish I would have realized that sooner, and now that my eyes have been opened to this truth, it is my prayer that you'll learn from my mistakes instead of making them for yourself.

Enjoy this season, celebrate with your whole heart, get excited for what is coming next, and embrace all the joy that's coming your way, but don't get sucked in to believing the lie that your life is the only one that matters. Seek out moments to love the ones who mean the most to you, be intentional about showing them how much they mean to you, and assure them that they aren't fighting their battles alone. Let sincerity and love be what motivate you to do more than what is expected of you. Do more than just share the spotlight - give it away!

what we need.

Over time, the phrase "Only God can judge me/you/us" has become increasingly popular to use in the face of adversity. Rarely are there two people who agree completely on everything, even those who are in the same circles, and touchy subjects that people feel strongly about are usually what cause the most uproar. Often times, people limit their reference to God as Judge when hot topics are present and when points want to be proved, making it more of a jab to the gut of all those who disagree with our viewpoints rather than an exclamation of reverent belief. God is certainly our judge, as evidenced by Scripture in both the Old and New Testaments (Psalm 82:8, James 4:12, etc.), but He holds a lot of other titles, too.

God is God (Elohim, Genesis 1:1). God is the Almighty God (El-Shaddai, Genesis 17:1). God is the Everlasting God (El-Olam, Genesis 21:33). God is our Father (Isaiah 64:8). God is the Cornerstone (Psalm 118:22). God is our Deliverer (Psalm 144:2). God is our Maker (Psalm 49:2). God is our Savior (Isaiah 45:15). God is our Redeemer (Psalm 19:14). God is a Consuming Fire (Hebrew 12:29). God is King of the nations (Revelation 15:3). God is the Creator (Romans 1:25). God is the Rock whose works are perfect, whose ways are just, and is faithful and without sin (Deuteronomy 32:4).

There are many descriptions of God (many more than just listed), but the one that our culture tries to limit Him to is that of Judge. Not only that, but we use it as a means to defend our own agendas instead of a means to glorify Him. We scream at the top of our lungs that no one has the right to judge us, but we continue about our merry way paying no attention to the very words that the Judge, Himself, has spoken. The Word of God tells us that we will all stand before the judgment seat of Christ and give an account of our lives (2 Corinthians 5:10, Romans 14:12), but our culture skips that part. The idea of judgment is helpful in silencing those who share different opinions than we do, but the reality of an actual judgment isn't something we give much thought to. Shouldn't we, though?

We spend countless amounts of time gossiping about those who are different from us, being deceived into thinking that our empty words will somehow change the outcome of the situation. Christians, what would it look like if we offered up prayers on behalf of those who don't know Jesus rather than talking about them? What if we spent more time kneeling at the feet of the One who set us free from condemnation instead of trying to convince the world that its wrong? What if we asked for wisdom on how to best respond to situations and headlines before blasting our opinions all over the place? I don't believe there will be any "I told you so"s exchanged in heaven, but I do believe that there will be a lot more people turned away from heaven than permitted to enter (Matthew 7:13-14). Is God my Judge? Yes. Is He my Savior? Yes. Do I believe that everyone will answer those two questions the same way? No. Does that make me better than them? No. My only hope for righteousness is that which Jesus Christ has lavished upon me by way of His birth, life, death, resurrection, and ascension, because I could never be good enough on my own (2 Corinthians 5:21).

Charles Spurgeon fervently believed in praying for unbelievers, and he made this charge in a sermon concerning this topic: "Until the gate of hell is shut up upon a man, we must not cease to pray for him. And if we see him hugging the very doorposts of damnation, we must go to the mercy seat and beseech the arm of grace to pluck him from his dangerous position. While there is life there is hope, and although the soul is almost smothered with despair, we must not despair for it, but rather arouse ourselves to awaken the Almighty arm." Brothers and sisters, are we that passionate about praying for lives to be won to Christ? If we believe that we can do nothing apart from Christ (John 15:5), then why do we waste so much time trying to save the world on our own? John MacArthur writes, "It is one thing to pray for family and friends, those for whom you have natural affections. But God wants you to pray for all people. Paul writes, 'First of all, then, I urge that entreaties and prayers, petitions and thanksgivings, be made on behalf of all men, for kings and all who are in authority' (1 Timothy 2:1-2). Kings and people in authority in Paul's day weren't bound by civil rights and were often unjust, self-serving, and cruel. Do you pray for the salvation of people like that - those who disagree with you politically, those who advocate ungodly agendas, those who openly embrace sin and reject the Scripture?" (emphasis mine).

I believe that everyone will be judged by God, that the gavel belongs to Him alone, but I also believe that He's more than that. He's not a mean old man who sits on His lofty throne and waits for us to mess up so that He can punish us for our wrongdoings, but He's also not one to be mocked (Galatians 6:7). Sowing to the flesh leads to death, sowing to the Spirit leads to life, and Scripture is clear about that (Galatians 6:8). Those who repent  of their sinfulness in response to belief in Jesus Christ as Savior will be welcomed into the kingdom of heaven (Mark 1:15), but those who don't will be cast into an eternal state of despair (Matthew 25:41). He is Judge, as evidenced through Scripture, but He is also the Fountain of life, our very present Help in time of need (Psalm 36:9, Psalm 46:1). He is the God who asks us to die to ourselves (our desires, our longings) in order that we may live for Him and His glory (Matthew 13:44, Luke 9:23).

So, what are we waiting for? The longer we wait to ask God to break our hearts for the lost, the more people there will be spending an eternity apart from Him. The longer we wait to lift up prayers for those who do not have not tasted and seen the goodness of God, the less people there will be to experience His abundant life. How awesome would it be for all those throughout the world who just view God as a Judge to come to know Him as Lord as a result of our humble submission and intentional obedience to praying that they would?

May our prayers be constant, persistent, specific, and aligned with His perfect, prevailing will, and may we begin making those humble-yet-bold requests today. We need an army of believers who will fight on their knees, it's as simple and as difficult as that.

"Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving."
Colossians 4:2

twenty weeks.

Last year at the beginning of September, I was twenty weeks pregnant with a little baby in my belly who was the size of a banana. Now, on this first day of June of the following year, I am holding a sixteen-pound baby boy in my arms who is twenty weeks old today! As much as I love bananas, I love this long, chubby boy exponentially more. The changes that have come along with B in these short almost five four months (I'm hanging on to every millisecond, people) have challenged us, strengthened us, humbled us, and brought us more joy than we thought our hearts could hold. I thought my heart was filled to the brim when we still had nineteen weeks until we met him, but I had no idea that it would continue get fuller every day and somehow never pop.

As much as I loved feeling B move on the inside, his wiggles + kicks + squirms are even more wonderful now that he's on the outside. His smiles + giggles are perfect, too!

It has been twenty weeks since the most beautiful + most challenging day of my life, and I wouldn't trade any of these days away. That first cry, those first few moments with him on my chest, the look of love in Teesh's eyes that I'd never seen before, even the pain + frustration that followed are all part of our story - the story that God wrote especially for us in order that we could glorify Him. We love this gift that has been given to us, and we can't wait to watch him continue to be used to bless others for his whole life.