braxton michael | fourteen months.

Things mama doesn't want to forget about this month:

|| I learned to walk all by myself || Five new teeth (four of which were molars) came in || I watched daddy coach his very first game as a JV baseball coach for Hillcrest High School || The warm weather provided lots of opportunities for walks and hikes || Speaking of hikes, we went on three this month || I overcame my fear of our great, big bathtub that had lasted for several months || I know exactly when to say "Bye!" and I don't care if I hurt anyone's feelings with my insistence that it's time to leave || The many play dates I got to have with my buddies || I got a major diaper rash a couple of weeks ago so I got to walk around the house in my birthday suit (Mama kept saying, "I'm so thankful for hardwood floors," as she followed me around with a towel) || My mullet is growing in nicely || The zoo was a frequent outing for us since it was so pretty || The park was, too || On the first warm day of the season, we went to the zoo, the park, AND for a five-mile walk so that we could spend as much time in the sunshine as possible || I'm getting bigger every day, but daddy and mama still try to hold me like I'm a baby sometimes || And I let them || I love to eat || And poop || And hear mama sing to me || And let daddy throw me up in the air and chase me around the house || I'm a happy, flirty, feisty, cuddly boy whose smile is as bright as the sun ||

Fourteen months of love like I've never known have come and gone, and I can promise you that I don't wish away even the worst of days.

just like heaven.

I want to remember these sweet moments forever.

Mamas, you know the ones. When he reaches up for me to grab him, lays his head down on my chest when I do, and then softly places his tiny little fingers around mine.

He won't always want to curl up in my lap, but for now, it's his favorite place to be. And I'm certainly not going to say no when it's my favorite place for him to be, too.

dougie doug.

I met a guy named Doug in the fall of 2011, and our individual quirkiness came together in unprecedented ways. After more than five years of friendship and making music together, today marks the beginning of a brief pause in our face-to-face interactions. You see, the goofy boy I first met half a decade ago is currently (literally, at this very moment) on his way to spend the next two years overseas on mission. He's still as goofy as he was when we first became friends (a trait that will probably never go away), but he's no longer a boy.

Doug is a man who is desperate to know God more, to love Him better, and to love others more than he loves himself. A man who is answering the call to leave his home and travel halfway across the world with one simple purpose: gospel multiplication. A man armed with the beautiful cross of Christ as he boldly obeys his Savior.

I may not be physically going with him today, but my heart certainly is. Even if it were possible that my Father could forget about Doug, I wouldn't let Him; all the prayers I will be offering up on his behalf would quickly jog His memory! It will be two years, Lord willing, until I get to hear his voice, watch him shred the guitar, squeeze him until I nearly break a rib, and intentionally try to make things as awkward as possible for him. A whole lot will change before he returns home, but I have a feeling that it will be like nothing has changed at all when I do see him again.

Will you pray for my dear friend, Doug? I'd like to ask you to pray all sorts of things over him during these next two years, but especially during the next few months as he adjusts to his new atmosphere.

Pray for protection, grace, providence, provision, safety, open doors, boldness, purity, humility, rest, kindness, peace, persistence, unity, and sacrificial love to surround and uphold him.

Pray against temptation, distractions, division, spiritual attacks, physical illness or harm, negligence, independence from the Spirit of Truth, any hindrances of the advancement of the Gospel, and weariness or apathy as he seeks to fight the good fight in a totally new culture.

Also, would you pray for others to partner with him, both in prayer and financially? Our pastor at Capstone Church frequently reminds us that everyone can't do everything, but everyone can do something, and this charge absolutely applies to Doug's ministry. The more support he has, the better! The world thinks highly of money and often discredits prayer, but I have seen faithful prayer provide more than money ever could (on countless occasions). So pray!

I'm going to miss this beautifully weird friend of mine for lots of reasons, and I know I'm not the only one. It's thrilling and inspiring to watch him live out his faith, and God is using his bravery to push back harder on the reservations I have in my own heart.

You da man, Dougie Doug!

"Dear brothers and sisters, I urge you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me. Do this because of your love for me, given to you by the Holy Spirit."

Romans 15:13

blue wall passage | hike it baby.

Yesterday was the perfect day for a hike, so we did what we do best: we hit the trails! It had been a couple of weeks since we adventured with our Hike it Baby friends, and I think we were both missing being in the great outdoors with them. This exploration took us to a portion of the Palmetto Trail called the Blue Wall Passage, and we hiked about three miles of the total length. We passed two ponds, a waterfall, and thousands of tall, bare trees as the baby blue sky and bright yellow sun smiled down on us.

Braxton and Thomas have been on several hikes together since we started hiking with this group of mamas + babies in October, and this particular day was the most that they've ever interacted with each other. It was really sweet to watch them eat their snacks while sitting hip-to-hip, and their whispy, blonde hairs blowing in the wind were so cute that I kept giggling to myself. They were the big boys for the day, because the other little one who joined us was only seven weeks old. She was born two days after B's first birthday, so I immediately pictured him as being that being little again (naturally). I love watching him grow bigger + stronger, but I'll always cherish those moments when he was totally + completely dependent on me. One day he will be walking these trails alongside of me, but not just yet.

I hope we will be back out on the trails with our buddies again soon! I, also, have big plans for a few hikes over spring break, because we always miss daddy when he can't come. My birthday is that week, too, so there will be plenty of reasons to get outside and get into nature with my two best boys!

peanut butter crackers.

I packed our lunches while Braxton took his morning nap, and made sure that we had everything we needed for a picnic and walking date with our cousins. He started chirping (as I call it) from his crib, so I checked our bag one last time just in case I'd missed something. I'd already grabbed a few things for B to snack on if he got hungry while we walked, but something told me to grab a pack of peanut butter crackers, too. I won't eat them because I don't like peanut butter, I thought to myself, but I'll pack them anyway. Braxton was jumping up and down in his crib like usual as I sneakily crawled into his room (a little game we play), and he smiled and laughed and checked himself out in his mirror while we drove to Cleveland Park.

We had the best time eating, walking, and exploring, and it was so refreshing to spend those few hours with three people who sprinkle joy wherever they go. We took our time getting to and departing from Falls Park, complete with a tour of the beautiful bridge and letting B run (crawl) free along it. I whispered, Thank you, Jesus, more times than I can count as I watched our three boys interact with each other the same way that Laura and I did, and I prayed that they would remain close like we have in the days and years to come. I prayed for our city as I stood on the bridge that overlooked so many people and buildings, and I asked God to bless everyone that I made eye contact with (and I love me some eye contact). After a while, we decided to begin the trek back to Cleveland Park, so we herded the boys back toward the direction we came from.

That's when I saw her.

She was sitting on the stone ledge that faces Passerelle Bistro, and her eyes were fixed on her feet. As I watched her sitting there from about twenty feet away, it felt as though everyone around us were moving in time-lapse speed and the two of us were in slow motion. I kept trying to look away, but my eyes were stuck. Her hair was pulled back in a low bun, her navy blue sweatshirt was faded and stained, and her jeans and shoes had holes in them. After a few seconds that felt more like a few minutes, I snapped out of the trance and kept walking. My eyes were no longer stuck on her, but my heart was. Fire in the belly, as I call it. And as I pushed the stroller by her feet, the fire burned more and even began to take my breath away. What can I do, Lord? Why have you pointed her out to me? were just a few of the questions I asked the Holy Spirit as I kept walking further away, and the answer I got was both totally unexpected and completely obvious once I received it.

Peanut butter crackers.

I immediately stopped pushing the stroller, stooped down to get the crackers from our bag, asked Laura to watch Braxton for a minute, and headed back in her direction. As I put one foot in front of the other, I prayed for Christ's compassion and love to be so evident in this simple act that she could smell it coming off of me like perfume.

I startled her as I sat down beside her, peanut butter crackers in hand, and I greeted her with a smile. We talked for a few seconds, and she told me that her name was Marie, which was further evidence that God had completely ordained this meeting, because Laura and I had just been talking about our late Nonnie, who was also named Marie.  I asked her if she would like some crackers, and I told her that she wasn't invisible as she took them from my hand. I told her that she was beautiful, and that she wasn't worthless. She was guarded, wore a confused look on her face, and kept her gaze toward the ground at first, but the moment that I told her that I believed Jesus wanted us to meet that day, she looked up with eyes that glistened as she smiled back at me.

Joy flooded our conversation as soon as the name Jesus was spoken.

Those peanut butter crackers provided a doorway for the kindness of Christ to break through strongholds, fears, and darkness. Those peanut butter crackers were a symbol of hope, to both her and me.

I'm not sharing this with you so that you will be proud of me or pat me on the back or think I've mastered this whole "love like Jesus" thing. Trust me, I'm no master of anything, and the very last thing I want you to take away from this is that I am. The purpose of this writing is to shine a light on the goodness of Christ. He revealed His character in three very tangible ways to me on this day, and He told me that I'm not the only one who needed a reminder.

First, He prompted me to do something that I usually wouldn't do hours before the purpose was revealed. What if I had ignored that prompting and chosen not to bring the crackers? I believe that He would have made another way for Marie and I to meet. I, also, believe that had I not been willing to be the one to go to her, He would have prompted someone else. God is not limited by our ignorance and refusals, nor is He useless without our obedience. His prompting are gifts, and He wants to give them to us in abundance. The grace that prompts us to action is the same grace that will sustain us as we act.

Second, He gave me a small glimpse into the way He sees His creation. The world was scurrying around Marie as she sat there on that stone slate, but He saw her individually. Personally. Intimately. He saw her when everyone else either missed her or simply chose to look the other way. The world was busy doing things, albeit even good things (i.e. mamas taking their kids for a walk in the park), but He removed me from my present reality for a split second and showed me how He sees us. Not only to show me how He sees us, but to show me that He knows us, too. He provided for both Marie and myself in that sweet moment we shared together, and neither of us saw it coming until we were in it. It was beautiful and humbling and overwhelming and wonderful.

Third, He further wove into the core of my soul that He has the power to take the mundane and make it magnificent. Satan doesn't want us to live in or experience the glory of God, so he sprinkles seeds of fear and doubt in our hearts and minds. Seeds of insecurity tried to extinguish the fire that the Holy Spirit had set aflame inside of me in that moment, and I almost kept walking. What could I possibly say or do? She probably doesn't want to be bothered anyway. Those thoughts and more ran wild in my mind until God reminded me of those peanut butter crackers. And then, all the fear that was trying to harden my heart to God's persistent nudges was immediately cast out by the most powerful thing in the world: love. Although it wasn't much, those crackers were a representation of the love of God, and He proved that nothing is too mundane, too insignificant to be used as a tool to usher in His glory.

A pack of peanut butter crackers may be all we have to offer. And many of us have made a habit out of believing that we have no good gift to give, nothing to offer that can possibly make a difference. That would be true if we were on our own, but just like the widow who only had two small coins to give (Mark 12:41-44) and the five loaves of bread and two fish that fed thousands of people (Matthew 14:13-21), Jesus will take our little and make it much. We are the ones who offer up what we have, and He is the one who multiplies it.

Maybe you are the one who feels invisible today. Can I tell you something? You're not. You are fully known by the Creator of the universe, and He loves you. All of you.

Maybe you are the one who sees pain or strife and looks the other way. My prayer is that you would begin to see Jesus as bigger than any hurt, and that your belief in His mighty strength would stir you to courageous action.

Marie was not invisible, and He used a pack of crackers and a little bit of kindness to tell her.

"Let me learn by paradox,
that the way down is the way up,
that to be high is to be low,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
...that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision."
Puritan Prayer, Valley of Vision

walk it out.

Just like that, this little boy has gone from a baby to a toddler.

He's been taking a few steps here and there for a couple of weeks, and each new step produced a little more courage than the one before. Now, he's a man on a mission. It won't be long before crawling is completely a thing of the past, but for now it's his safety net when he loses his balance. Crawling is also still good for those times when he wants to get somewhere fast.

This whole watching your baby begin to put one foot in front of the other thing is pretty fun.

And pretty surreal.

And as proud and excited I am that he's reached his next milestone, the mama in me has been going back and forth between tears of joy and tears of sorrow and disbelief each time I watch him grow in independence.

The good news is that now instead of crawling over to me and then reaching up for some lovin', he now reaches as he walks. Yep, it's the cutest thing ever.

Mmm, mmm, mmm. I love my walking, talking, cheesey-smiling, eyebrow lifting cuddle bug.

leap day.

Leap Day only comes around once every four years, so what does that mean for the adventurers of the world? Well, when we get an extra day to go exploring, we take it and make the most of it! My cousin, Laura, and her kiddos, Luke and Micah, invited us to join them for a picnic at Cleveland Park followed by a walk along the Swamp Rabbit Trail, and we loved every minute of that lovely afternoon. The weather was as close to perfect as it could have been, the sky was as blue as the sea, the two biggest boys entertained the littlest boy the whole time (seriously, all they had to do was look at him, and he grinned from ear to ear), and the paved trail was full of smiling faces wearing sunglasses. There wasn't a dull moment the whole afternoon, complete with both laughter and tears, but that didn't surprise us (life with kids - am I right?).

We weren't the only ones who enjoyed this day, but I'm pretty sure that the sweetness from this day will linger on in my soul for a lot longer than many of the others' who were making memories alongside of us. Raising a boy with my cousin who is also raising boys is pretty much a dream come true, because our kiddos will grow up together just like we did. My family tree is a gift, and it's certainly not one I ever want to waste.

I hope your Leap Day was good enough to hold you over for another four years. Ours sure was!