braxton michael | six years old.

Six years ago on this day, I entered a new chapter in my life. One that has honestly tried to break me since those first moments, but has simultaneously been the greatest privilege and honor of my life — motherhood.

The further away that day gets, the tighter I hold it because I never want to forget. The most precious baby boy was born in spite of so many odds against him, and I lived in spite of the same. I may sound like a broken record when I share my / our story, but I still share because I have lived in the goodness of God. January 12th was a great awakening, of sorts, for us. A revival that started us on a path of choosing what matters most even when it’s hard. That revival has especially helped us this past year of uncertainty and hard decision after hard decision.

There was no party for the birthday boy this year, but he was celebrated wholeheartedly by so many. His day looked like this — a fancy homemade breakfast followed by a fun day at school, a cheeseburger for lunch, a cake pop for snack, golf in the backyard, pizza for dinner with a side of cookie cake, a few visitors and calls, playing board games until bed, and watching a video keepsake of so many loved ones. He told me it was the best day!

So, happy birthday to my angel boy! he has the kindest, most tender heart. he thrives on organization, and is confident that he will be an engineer one day. Fruit is his favorite food, and being outside is his favorite pastime. he is happiest when he’s hanging out with people he loves, but that doesn’t stop him from being painfully shy when he is embarrassed or caught being the center of attention. Tough and sensitive, handsome and silly, big-hearted and always listening, smart as a whip and humble as can be. My beloved son, the one who ushered me into a fullness I never knew how much I needed.

Highlights of year SIX:

-He confessed faith in Christ on May 2, 2020

His first beach trip to FL in July 2020

His first trip to Disney World in August 2020

-He started kindergarten in August 2020

-Beach trips and hikes galore

release // 2021.

 2015: trust.

2016: healing.

2017: growth.

2018: discipline.

2019: new.

2020: rooted.

and this year?

2021: release.

I recently did an Advent study with some amazing women, and our word was birthed out of a revelation I had near the end: receive then release. our word for the new year reveals our desire to not hoard the love and goodness of God and fool ourselves into believing that it’s only for us, but to be faithful in releasing it outward.

as we receive God’s love, we will release it.

as we receive God’s forgiveness, we will release it.

as we receive God’s mercy, we will release it.

as we receive God’s joy, we will release it.

as we receive God’s generosity, we will release it.

...and so on.

the kicker, though, will be this: to release before we receive is to work for our salvation; to receive first is to work out our salvation. because He has already poured all of that out for us / over us, it is already ours to release; BUT we must remember that we are not trying to earn God’s affection.

here is our why: 

“Those who are loved by God, let his love continually pour from you to one another, because God is love. Everyone who loves is fathered by God and experiences an intimate knowledge of him. The one who doesn’t love has yet to know God, for God is love. The light of God’s love shined within us when he sent his matchless Son into the world so that we might live through him. This is love: He loved us long before we loved him. It was his love, not ours. He proved it by sending his Son to be the pleasing sacrificial offering to take away our sins. Delightfully loved ones, if he loved us with such tremendous love, then “loving one another” should be our way of life!” -1 John‬ ‭4:7-11‬

we are choosing deeper love as our way of life in 2021.

because in the backwards ways of God’s kingdom, the more we give the more we have!