strawberries in rows.

Last week, we snuck out after Daddy got home from school to take advantage of the one afternoon we had a break from rain so we could pick strawberries. Always one of my favorite days! This year, Braxton and Daddy did most of the picking and filling while I snapped photos with a sleeping baby girl on my chest. Big brother was more interested in eating the berries than putting them in the basket, but he didn't whine too much every time we kindly told him no. He got to eat three strawberries while we wandered up and down the rows -- one at the beginning, another in the middle, and one right before our basket was full. He would eat all the time, all day every day, if we'd let him.

Now we've had strawberries overflowing in our fridge since last Tuesday, soaked and washed and sliced. We've nearly eaten them all, in true Bargeron fashion, and it'll be a sad day when we finish them off. We all love strawberries (well, all except Bethany -- who is currently proving that food is not her friend yet), so picking day is a crowd favorite.

The best part is us just being all together. Being in the open air with yummy berries surrounding us is an added bonus.

I suppose that we'll be chasing two children here next year, Lord willing, which is thrilling to think about. It's also heartbreaking to think about, too, so I'll stop there.

Mmm, making memories with my people. There's nothing else like it in the whole world.

jones gap falls with two | hike it baby.

A few weeks ago, we ventured to Jones Gap State Park to make the rocky trek to Jones Gap Falls. This was an exciting milestone for both kiddos, because 1) it was Bethany's first time on this particular trail, and 2) it was Braxton's first time hiking to this waterfall on his own two feet. Yay!

Bethany is much happier on the trails now that she can see where she's going, which makes this mama's heart SO thankful. Braxton was a little whinier on this hike than he typically is, but I gave him lots of grace because I was so proud of him. A lot of adults struggle to hike this whole trail, so for a three year old to do it is pretty incredible -- hence the grace. I did carry both of them for about a fourth of a mile when Braxton tripped over one rock and hit his knee on another one, but he healed up real quick after a sweet friend gave him a Band-Aid.

This trail was only the second hike we ever went on with Hike It Baby, so it holds a special place in my heart. It's crazy to think that we've been on more hikes with this ever-growing community than we can count since then AND that we've added another little hiker of our own to the crew since. Braxton was a mere nine months old when we started hiking almost weekly, and it blows my mind that he's hiking relatively tough trails on his own now. Goodness, babies don't keep!

See those little buddies above? Braxton and Thomas have been hiking buddies since the very beginning, and their little friendship is so sweet. So chaotic, too, but mostly sweet. Getting outside with my children is only half the fun --  the people we've met along the way and the strangers who have become family is really the best part.  For the parents and our littles.

bethany victoria | six months.

I can't believe I'm even writing these words, but they're true: it's your half birthday! So many exciting things have happened this past month, and you're growing so quickly. So very quickly! It makes my heart ache something terrible to watch you change each day, but I've got conflicting emotions, too, because it makes me so happy at the same time. I'm convinced that motherhood is just a rollercoaster ride, girl. And I'm in it for the long haul. Holding on for dear life most days, but shouting with joy all the while!

- - - - -

Over the past month, you have been before Capstone Church as your daddy and I vowed to raise you to know Jesus, went on four hikes, took your first trip to Paws and Downtown Clemson, went on too many walks around the neighborhood to count, got your first UTI (which reeeeally broke our hearts), watched your big brother bounce around at Gravitopia (don't worry, you'll be joining him this time next year), went to daddy's final baseball banquet as a coach at Hillcrest, and got more hugs and smooches from everyone than I could keep track of. We've been busy, busy, busy -- as usual.

- - - - -

You reached a few exciting milestones this month, so we've done lots of celebrating! First, you are a professional at rolling over; I look away for just a second, and you're usually on the other side of the rug. Second, you have just about bounced yourself silly in your jumperoo; you will sit in that thing for an hour at a time several times a day, just bouncing and cooing and strengthening those legs. Braxton thinks it's so funny to watch you, and he's usually dancing in front of you while you jump. It is THE cutest thing, sweet girl! Third, you have officially started to sit up on your own! Eeeeek! This is a very new thing that's only been happening for about a week now, and you still use your hands to brace yourself -- but you are such a strong girl. It's pretty incredible to watch you become such a tough, self-controlled gal. Fourth, we did a thing last night: we skipped your final feeding of the day. And GIRL! You slept through the whole night. I did have to go in and give you your paci once when you started cry, but that was fine by me. You've been sleeping through your dream feed for about a month now, so we decided that it was time to move from five feedings a day to four. This is especially timely, because it leads me to your final milestone: you are officially starting to eat FOOD today! I've got half a banana with your name on it, big girl! Here's to hoping you like to eat as much as your brother always has.

- - - - -

Mother's Day was last weekend, so we celebrated all weekend. My favorite celebration of the weekend, however, was on Saturday when we went to brunch with Hay Hay, your two brothers, your daddy and me in honor of Birth Mother's Day. Adoption has changed our family dynamic so much, but every bit of it has been for the better. I love watching you with your First Mama, the one who gave you life and then sacrificially gave you to me. And to honor her this day, and every other day, was so special for all of us. She's part of our family, too, as is your oldest brother, and I now know that God has answered my prayers. Yep, I always prayed that I would get married and have a big family -- I just never thought it would come to me this way. But now that it has, I've never been more grateful. If you only learn one thing from me your whole life, sweet girl, I hope it's this: God is so good. You're proof of that.

- - - - -

We've got another full month ahead of us, filled with hikes and walks and errands and daddy being home for the summer (wahoo!) and more. I know there will be days when I want to smash my head into the wall (real talk), but I also know that there will be days overflowing joy and giggles and loads of cuteness. You and your big brother and your daddy sincerely make my world go 'round, and the adventures we take and the memories we're making will always be the best part of my life. We are so, so thankful to God that you're along for the ride with us, baby girl. It wouldn't be the same without you!

 - - - - -

Happy half birthday to the girl who has restored our hope, healed our wounds, caused us to go deeper and deeper with our Creator, showed us (well, me) that I'm cranky and angry if I don't spend time -- even just five minutes -- alone with God every day (confession), opened our eyes to a world that is simultaneously beautiful and broken, and inspired us to love without fear and keep moving forward no matter what. We love you more than words could ever, ever say!

Braxton - Six Months Old

mother's day | to me.

Four years ago on this day, my life changed forever.

I took a pregnancy test, saw two pink lines, and immediately collapsed on the bathroom floor while laughing and crying at the same time. I knew I'd see those two pink lines, mainly because I knew that the killer headache I'd had for the past week was telling me that something in my body wasn't like it always had been. But now it was real.

I was growing a baby inside my belly.

My journey to motherhood was a lot easier than actually living in motherhood has been so far. I think that most mamas would agree with that statement, because it's no joke keeping tiny humans alive. This ride is abundant with joy, though, and even the hardest days are producing goodness in me, my husband, and our kiddos. Nothing is wasted in parenthood.

Four years ago, there was a teeny baby growing inside of me, and last year on this day, there was another teeny baby growing inside of another woman. By the grace of God, these two teeny babies now call each other brother and sister. And I'm the one who has been given the high privilege to be called Mommy by both of them.

Motherhood looks a lot different than I thought it would before I became a mama; some things have been infinitely more difficult, but other things have been infinitely more wonderful than I ever dreamed they would be. All of it balances out to be the best thing I've ever done, the best job I've ever had, and the best love I've ever given.

Babies don't keep, but mamas always do.

And in the words of a well-known, well-loved children's book, "as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

birth mother's day | her first.

Tomorrow will be my fourth Mother's Day. I'll be celebrated all day long by my two precious children and their daddy, and I am surely going to enjoy an afternoon and evening spent with this crew of mine. Just last year I dreamed of two kiddos calling me "Mommy," and now it's my reality. A dream prayed into existence.

Because of her.

*Photo by EmilieCarol Photography

It's almost been a year since we met at that Olive Garden for the very first time, nervously laughing together and learning about each other. Since that day, we have walked through a difficult pregnancy, a trying labor and delivery, and all the days since with her. And in the course of this year, we've become family.

It was instant, honestly. I can't adequately describe it and it doesn't make sense to most people, but it was like we had known each other forever. Like we'd been etched into each other's DNA from the very beginning of our lives. Like we were predestined to meet each other in our own brokenness and discover God's healing alongside of each other. There was peace that I can't explain that day, and it still lingers today.

She welcomed us into her world, encouraged and assured us when she didn't have to, and loved us with her whole heart. We took a photo together every time we saw each other, at all the many doctor appointments and on days when the two of us would just have girl time to get to know each other better, because I knew this season was fleeting. She always said "yes" to my crazy picture ideas, and I didn't waste an opportunity -- I wanted her to have them more than I wanted them for myself.

*Photo by EmilieCarol Photography

*Photo by EmilieCarol Photography

Then came the day when we packed our bags and headed to the hospital. After two days of gruesome labor, the day finally came for her daughter to be born.

Our daughter.

And she endured the pain, the sorrow, the beauty with such grace. So much grace. I can't tell you how much.

I was holding her hand, gripping it with all my might, when Bethany was born, and it took everything inside of me to let go of it for even a second while I walked over to see our beautiful baby for the first time. Tears were flowing from my eyes in steady streams as my eyes went back and forth between this brave mother and our warrior daughter. Before that moment, the moment when Bethany breathed her first breath, my heart had never known such incredible joy and overwhelming heartache at the same time.

*Photo by EmilieCarol Photography

*Photo by EmilieCarol Photography

Bethany was born on a Friday and papers were signed on the following Monday. From a legal standpoint, everything had changed from then on. But from a family standpoint, nothing had.

Bethany still had two mamas, and she always would.

I call that a double portion from our merciful Father.

Since our stay in the hospital, we have seen Bethany's birth mom about a dozen times, she and I typically text back and forth every few days during the week, we FaceTime every few weeks, and our relationship can be best described this way: natural.

We love each other, we love our daughter, and we love Jesus -- and that's where the supernatural peace flows from. From our good, good Father who created adoption for His glory and our benefit.

Our adoption story has been shared with thousands of people, and we've received so much support and encouragement. There have been several people who just can't fathom how our relationship could be so natural, although it is, and I've personally heard well-meaning loved ones say things like "I could never share my baby with someone," "It would be hard for me not to be the only Mom," and "It's just so sad." My response is simple but profound:

Without this selfless mother, I would not have a daughter.

It's an honor to share the title of "mother" with the one who gave my daughter life.

Although there is much sorrow, there is an abundance of joy.

And today, on Birth Mother's Day, we are celebrating and praising God for the wonderful, awe-inspiring gift we've been given in Bethany's first mama. Because of open adoption, Bethany will always receive a multitude of love from two families who were knit together as one. Because of open adoption, we all have been changed forever.

When I look at Bethany in the arms of her First Mama, all I feel inside is love and gratitude. No jealousy or pity, and certainly no thoughts of "but I'm her mom." I want them to learn each other and have a special bond; after all, they're the only ones who know each other inside and out. I'm proud to be a mama whose heart and family grew by the gift of adoption. Although it happened much sooner than we thought it would, God saw fit to give us more in our dependency on Him than we ever could have on our own.

Our stories were similar when we first met: we were both walking down a path that was unexpected and frightening. Now are stories are similar for a much different reason: we have looked hope in the eye and surrendered our lives to it.

For us, adoption wasn't Plan B. Rather, it was the best thing that could have ever happened to us.

And she, our daughter's more-precious-than-gold birth mom, will always be loved, cherished, and celebrated by us. Every day. Until the end of time.

That's only a fraction of what we believe she's worthy of.