Thursday, November 30, 2017

this is us | plus one.

Today is November 30th, which marks the end of Adoption Awareness Month. For years, I celebrated this month, these thirty days, in honor of all my friends who had adopted or been adopted themselves, but this particular year has caused us to celebrate in a very personal, very raw way.
*Photo by Emerson Iris Photography
TJ and I talked about our desire to adopt before we became husband and wife, but our path to this looked much different than the one we’ve actually walked. If it had been up to us, we would have had three or so biological children before adding to our family via adoption. We would have had time to be “ready” for such a big pursuit.

As you know, this wasn’t how our story played out.

Nearly three years ago when my life hung in the balance after welcoming our precious Braxton into the world, everything we thought we knew shifted. For a year following those scary few days, we grieved with all of our hearts. We were thankful for the gift of one biological child, something we grievously know is not true for everyone, but it took time to truly be at peace with how our future would now look. I faked it with my big smile on the outside (y’all know the one), but those closest to me knew how much my heart ached.

Then, in January of this year, shortly after Braxton turned two, TJ and I were both on the same page: it was time. It was almost as if we weren’t “ready” until we took that first step towards adoption by attending an adoption fair. Isn’t that always the case? For us it has been, anyway. Peace followed obedience.

On May 8th, we became active clients with our agency, Quiver Full Adoptions, and then we matched with baby girl’s first mama a short twenty-one days later, a Memorial Day we’ll never forget. Meeting her and hearing her say that she wanted us to be the family to bring home her baby was the moment that peace transformed into thrill. And for the next 25 weeks, the thrill grew with every new second as we undeservedly walked with her through pregnancy.
*Photo by Emerson Iris Photography
Before we began living out our adoption story, I was ignorant to just how beautiful it could be. I mean, I knew it was incredible based on others’ experiences, but to have it played out in our life was too magnificent to be described by mere words. We didn’t just bring a new baby into our family like we originally thought. Instead, we brought our baby girl, her first mama, AND her first mama’s closest supporters into our family, too. And I promise that it’s the most amazing thing we’ve ever known.

For the last two plus years, I’ve wrestled with this looming question off and on: “Why me, Lord?” I would ask this especially in my most profound moments of grief, leaning on my faith as the only source of hope. I would pray honestly, saying things like, “Lord, the plans we made were good ones. You were at the center of all of it. Are those plans, those deeply-rooted dreams, really over? Am I really a barren woman because of sickness? Aren’t all the trials I’ve faced in my short twenty-eight years enough?”

In response to all of those questions, all those cries, I always heard the same response:
“Trust me, daughter.”

Now I know the answer to all of those questions. I am not barren, I am blessed. I am not sick, but eternally healed. I am not yet done facing trials, but I’m being equipped by His Spirit to overcome them. My dreams have not died, they have simply been rewritten. And I am not wise enough to make plans that are best for me, but I can seek after the wisdom that gives me a heavenly perspective and an earthly purpose.
*Photo by Emerson Iris Photography
The fallen state of this world beckoned me to give up hope and turn to despair, but God in His goodness made a way where there was no way. God redeemed the brokenness that tried to bind me. And He will continue to breathe redemption over our every circumstance, every situation, forever.

We were burdened. Our birth mama was burdened. And God in His sovereignty intertwined our stories in order to lift those burdens. To restore hope.

That’s the beauty of adoption.

And that’s our story.

It’s not the one we penciled for ourselves, but it is infinitely more, infinitely better.
*Photo by Emerson Iris Photography
I’ve only been an adoptive mama for thirteen days, which is hardly long enough to give me any rapport. We are just at the beginning of our journey, and I know we will face many hard conversations and moments ahead as we navigate the ins and outs of this blessing. But as long as we don’t lose sight of that fact — that we are blessed — then we will thrive.

One of my children grew in my belly. One of my children grew in another woman’s belly. But they both grew in my heart.

And they’ll both continue to grow in my arms.
*Photo by Emerson Iris Photography
That’s what our story of love looks like. It’s a story that began with promise, knew hard grief, and resolved with immeasurably more than any of our wildest dreams could comprehend.

Because of adoption, our family has grown by two feet and then some. Because of adoption, we know more now about selfless love than we ever did before. Because of adoption, our faith has been tested and has emerged from the fire stronger than ever.

Adoption is hard. Adoption is costly. Adoption is messy. Adoption is redemptive.

Adoption is worth it.

Our baby girl and her first mama are worth it. And they always, always will be.

Our path to bringing home our baby through adoption didn't take the same turns as we thought it would. Instead, it was exponentially better. We had no way of knowing this prior to walking it, but we know it now. And we are grateful -- oh, so grateful -- that things didn't go our way.
*Photo by Emerson Iris Photography
“May he grant your heart’s desires and make all your plans succeed. May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory and raise a victory banner in the name of our God. May the Lord answer all your prayers.”
-Psalm 20:4-5

Monday, November 13, 2017

big boy's room | home sweet bargeron.

This room was a work in progress longer than any other room, and it felt SO good to add finishing touches to it just a few months ago. Between switching from a crib to a twin bed, there were lots of months of bare walls and things sitting around waiting to be put into place. As soon as we transitioned Braxton from sleeping on a twin mattress on the floor to a frame, however, I was more than ready to slap stuff on the walls and complete this space!

Braxton has more books than we can count, pictures of his favorite people AND things spread throughout, a tee-pee full of animals that he refuses to get rid of, and a whole lot of BLUE. Yep, when you see this room, you won't be surprised to learn that he loves the color! He's pretty much obsessed. And we just giggle at him!

There's always a stash of library books on the bottom shelf, toys are constantly being pulled out and put away, and Marshall and "Ti-Ti" (short for Tiger) are always in bed when he is. He's a pretty tidy little dude, and TJ and I definitely encourage him in this. We both love a tidy house, sometimes to a fault. I like to think that one day B's wife will thank us for how he cleans up after himself. Hehe!

I don't know if his love for blue will always be this strong, but while it is, his room is full of it!

Before:
After:

Saturday, November 11, 2017

naley | round two.

It had been nearly four years since I visited my favorite spot in all the world, and my college roomie's wedding gave us the perfect opportunity to go back for the weekend. After a stunning Friday evening watching Mallory walk down the aisle to meet her man and celebrating the night away, TJ and I extended our stay through Sunday to have some time together, just the two of us.

Today marks one week since we had breakfast and coffee at Port City Java, lunch at the Dixie Grill, ice cream at Kilwin's, dinner at Front Street Brewery, and dessert at The Fortunate Glass. We got to pop in at the weekly market that morning, and we walked until our feet nearly fell off. I even did a little Christmas shopping at a few of my favorite shops!

Our room overlooked the river with a gorgeous view of the bridge and Front Street, and I dare say that this won't be the only time we stay in this particular spot. We felt so fancy to have a waterfront balcony! This was our second trip to Wilmy together, and I sincerely hope it won't be another five years before we tarry here again, hand in hand. It was so refreshing, as always, to be intentional about our time together. I'd let my Teesh whisk me away at any moment, because in my heart, we're still those goo-goo-eyed babies who are crushing so hard on each other. I'm so thankful to share so many of life's most precious moments alongside of him, including these few days. Every minute I spend with him is such a gift -- and it's always will be.

Before we left on Sunday, we enjoyed a long-anticipated brunch at The George and stopped by a beloved One Tree Hill location before hitting the road. My HPB left our mark on that iconic bridge before life took us all in separate directions, and I just had to stop by to see if it was still there. And it was! Our legacy lives on -- just like our friendship.

Oh, oh, it's magic. This city. These scenes. Mmm, they'll never get old.

Monday, November 6, 2017

kids' bathroom | home sweet bargeron.

With this space, we aimed to bring the outdoors to our kiddos, complete with woodland creatures and bright colors. I wanted a roman shade in this room's window, but all the ones that caught my eye were more than a hundred dollars. That being the case, I bought some fabric that matched the décor, looked up "no sew roman shades" on Google, and spent a few hours making my own (just like I did for our kitchen shade). And, voila! I love how it turned out -- the colors were a perfect match!

The two songs I sing the most to Braxton now and will soon sing to baby girl are now on the walls of the bathroom they will share, and I thought it was a sweet tribute to them. Braxton loves to take a bath (he's a little fish!), so we spend a good bit of time in here between that going potty. We really spent a lot of time here when B was potty training. Whew!

Another simple room that I think is simply beautiful.

Before:
After:

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

halloween | pj masks edition.

Last night was as fun as they come, complete with pizza before trick-or-treating and enough candy to last us for a few weeks. We walked along Main Street with a thousand other neighbors, and it was the best to pass so many familiar faces as we made our way from house to house. The people in this little town have become like family over the span of our lives together, and now being to call this town our home is one of our great privileges.

Last year on this day, we walked the Haltis around our soon-to-be house, and this year they joined us for dinner in that same place that we have called home since shortly after that. Time flies, even when you hang on to every moment for as long as you can.

This day, all of its moments, is a day that I'll keep hanging on to.

Especially this one.
That shirt I once wore when I was pregnant with the one whose hands are saying hello to his little sister. Those hands on top of mine and Braxton's that welcome us in. The big smiles we wear as we anticipate baby girl's birthday quickly approaching. The love that can be felt even by just looking at this photo.

On this Halloween, my oldest child and soon-to-be youngest child, Lord willing, were together.

And there's nothing happier for a mommy than that.

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