and the sound of your heart. it’s the most significant sound in my world.

Welp, not only is my 55-day countdown over, but so are my 4 days with Teeesh. Isn’t it strange how we wish and wish and wish for a certain thing to happen and then when it finally does, the time passes by so quickly that we can barely take it all in? Fortunately, that’s just a small fraction of my thoughts from this weekend. Truth be told, it was the most refreshing couple of days I’ve ever had.

So I had it all mapped out in my head. When I saw him, I knew I would freak out and go into hysterical mode, run across the airport, fling my arms apart, and jump right into his arms. Even as I was driving to pick him up, I was bouncing up and down in my seat with excitement. When I pulled into LAX, I parked, got out of the car, and started walking towards terminal 5, still freaking out with spastic tendencies. As soon as I walked through the airport doors, down the hallway, and spotted him in the distance, however, the weirdest thing happened. I started walking slower, my stomach was all in knots, and I seriously felt like I couldn’t move. This was the first time in years that I was actually nervous about seeing him. I felt like I was in 7^th grade again, seeing him for the first time in math class. This thought even popped into my head: “What if he sees me and realizes that he didn’t miss me as much as he thought he would?” When he saw me coming, however, he responded just the way I hoped he would: his eyes lit up like it was Christmas morning, he hopped up from his seat, power-walked over to meet me, dropped his bag, and gave me the best hug I’d had since May 1^st, when he hugged me one last time before I left for the summer. I felt like I was in a movie—you know, the one where all the girls watching it are crying with huge smiles on their faces and all the guys are wondering why they ever agreed to sit through something like that. I was a character in my own fairytale, and we all know how much I love a good fairytale! ;)

After we left the airport, I gave him a tour of LA and then we headed to Dodger Stadium to see them take on the Cubs. I was proudly wearing my blue and red, in honor of the Cubs (I hope you’re proud, Steven Thornton!). On Saturday morning, we got up early and spent the day at Big Bear Lake. We hiked for the first part of the day, then just lolly-gagged around the town when our plans for kayaking got ruined by too much wind. Boo! We improvised by taking an unintentional tour of the entire perimeter of the lake and riding down the Alpine Slide. That thing was so cool! The rest of the day, we had random outbursts of “Jamaica has a bobsled team!” and it was awesome. We made our way back down the mountain and I introduced him to my favorite spot in town: the drive-in movie! We watched Despicable Me and Grown Ups, and I don’t want to play favorites, but Despicable Me blew Grown Ups out of the water! I am seriously thinking about naming my first little girl Agnes and buying her a stuffed unicorn in honor of the movie. SO! CUTE! Fact: when P. Sawyer and I have our next skype date, we WILL sing the unicorn song to each other. Mark my words!

On Sunday, my original plan was to take Teeesh to Catalina Island for the day. That was the plan until I researched prices and decided that the only thing I could do was to embrace my poorness. Plan B was to hang out at Santa Monica all afternoon, and that sufficed just fine! He saw and touched the Pacific Ocean for the first time, which is always an epic experience for anyone—I don’t care who you are! We hung out on the pier, rode the Pacific Wheel (one of my favorite things!), walked around the Third Street Promenade, and ate some yummy gelato! And speaking of gelato, remember that time they only accepted cash so we walked around for twenty minutes trying to find an ATM machine, only to discover that there was one in the gelato place right in front of our faces? Being observant is obviously both of our special gifts. At least we got some extra time to hold hands while we searched. :)

We left Santa Monica and went to Micki’s apartment for her birthday party! I was so excited that Teeesh got to meet Micki and Tomahawk, because I spend the majority of my free time with them and Kyle. It was also super cool to have three Hillcrest peeps in LA at the same time. Go Rams!

I took him by the Staples Center (which he actually enjoyed, despite the potential for that to just be salt on his open wound), then we came back to my apartment and just hung out.

We do a whole lot together, but my personal favorite thing to do with him is nothing. Because even when we don’t do a thing for hours at a time, I get to just be with him. We don’t have anything to prove to the world or to each other. We just are. And it’s always enough for both of us. We get to be weird. And quirky. And silly. And just laugh. I never laugh harder than I do when I’m with Teeesh. I also never scream and yell louder than I do when I’m with him. And that’s what makes me love him as much as I do. One minute we could be madder than hornets at each other and the very next minute, we’re legitimately rolling on the floor laughing at ourselves. I guess that’s what you get when you fall in love with someone who gives you butterflies and makes your heart skip a beat when he looks at you but also makes you want to cuss and brings out the absolutely worst in you.

I realized a couple years ago that love isn’t just an emotion. It isn’t something that you can have one day and not have the next. It doesn’t always come easy, and sometimes you really have to work at it. Love is a choice. A pursuit. It doesn’t always feel glamorous and you don’t always feel like you’re on top of the world. I still can’t believe that I have been blessed with someone who chooses to love me every single day just like Jesus loves me. It blows me away, yet it gives me peace.

I want to be with Troy Jerome Bargeron forever. Not because it’s all I’ve ever known or because I’m scared of change. But because I know that God made him especially for me. I could search the whole world and never find one single person that could ever love me more than he does. Or understand me better. And I want to be that for him, too. Always. And forever.

“Yeah well, I guess I can’t really help it if I found the guy I wanna be with my first time out. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Maybe if we’re not out there looking for the one we wanna be with forever then what are we doing?” –Haley James Scott