Tuesday, May 31, 2011

bittersweet ending to such a sweet month.

I've been so busy lately that I haven't even opened my computer since the last time I wrote. I still appreciate the need for technology, but I've been trying to spend more time living in the moments I write about rather than scurrying to my computer the very next moment to write it all down. I've been an avid diary keeper since I learned how to spell, and I still get the most pleasure out of writing about my days for only myself to know about, even though I'd gladly tell you about most everything I write about. I think the written word is one of the most important things in the world, and I vowed a long time ago to make it a priority. Both reading and writing it.

Pictures, I believe, are just as important as words. It's one thing to hear about something that happened, but it's a totally different thing to get to see it, even if it isn't with your own eyes. I've been guilty more times than not of just sitting in my floor, looking through old photo albums, reliving every single moment that each picture captured. The human memory is an incredible thing. Out of everything in the world I could lose, I'd have to say that my memory would be the greatest loss [second only to my sweet husband-to-be].

This is what the end of the month of May looked like for me.

 our wedding invitations were assembled, sealed, addressed, and mailed with 49 days to go! :)

 we stained our beautiful outdoor furniture that Mommy and Melly got us at our Home and Garden shower in April.

 I chased hot air balloons with Teesh, Candie, and Trent...and, yes, I still DIE laughing every time I look at this.

 pretty sure Teesh designed this balloon. I could show you a hundred sketches of long-neck dinosaurs that he drew me when we were in high school. he got love letters; I got dinosaurs. :)

go Tigers! 

then the redneck came out in us. we spent Memorial Day afternoon sliding down a slippery slide onto an old mattress. and in case you were wondering, it was the most fun I'd had in weeks!

May was a month of fun and laughter and rest and regular chaos and blessings and so much more.  Most of the days in May were more than enjoyable.

Then, there was today.

Hearts broke all over the upstate of South Carolina, and, more than likely, all over the world, as Papa Don left us to go spend eternity with Jesus. I hope I never have to watch TJ hurt to much again for the rest of our lives, as unrealistic as that hopeful thinking is, because these past few days have been some of the toughest of my life. Having no control over what's happening and no words to make the pain go away is probably the worst feeling a person can have. Countless tears have been shed, hundreds of memories have been shared, hours of silent thought have been spent, family has come together over a not-so ideal situation, but through all of that, hope has been renewed.

As big of an ache I have in my heart and pit I have in my stomach having to face the reality that TJ will now have to get married without his Papa there proudly watching him marry his bride, my heart literally overflows with joy in knowing that he is sitting at the feet of the Creator God at this very moment and for the rest of eternity. I must admit, I'm a little envious. Not only does he get to hang out with Jesus forever, but he also gets to be with Ma, Grandma, and Pop forever, too. I'm certain they'll all be best friends in no time. Maybe now they'll all take a break from prancing around on the clouds to smile down at us in 46 days as I become a wife and Teesh becomes a husband.

How blessed is the Bargeron family to have loved someone with such intensity that it hurts this much to say goodbye to them. Yet, as much as we all love him, he still loves us even more.

Our hearts are broken. But his is finally whole.

"We do not remember days, we remember moments. The richness of life lies in memories we have forgotten."
-Cesare Pavese

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