Today has been both great and terrible. Honestly, my flesh would tell you that it was more terrible than great, but my spirit sings a song of praise to the One who gives the good and allows the bad to happen so that He will get all glory due His name. It's really the most beautiful picture; knowing that even when my heart is broken and I feel like I'll explode at any moment, He's still got me. He'll never loosen His grip on me. He'll always come to my rescue. He takes my brokenness and my heartache and my doubts and my fears and every single sin and He makes it beautiful. I am beautiful simply because I am His.
The Lord has blessed me with an incredible burden to tell people His story and show people how He loves, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm not good at it
sometimes most of the time. But I must not give up. I must not become weary in doing good for the sake of His name, because it won't be long before I get to reap a harvest beyond anything I can even begin to wrap my mind around. One day soon I will be with my Creator, the Only One who has never left me or forsaken me even when I deserved it most, but I'm not there yet. Paradise awaits me, but there is purpose behind my existence here now. I must help the widows and clothe the poor and feed the hungry and adopt the orphans and tell people that Jesus has come! I must run the race set before me with my whole heart. I must keep my eyes on the One who reaches out His hands to save all the nations, my God and Father, the One who defeated death and invites us to do the same through His power.
I have experienced the perfect love of Christ, and I am changed. I am changed every moment that I take another breath. My life is not my own for I have been crucified with Christ (Galatians 2:20) and for me, to live is Christ and to die is gain (Philippians 1:21). When my days are good, I'll be happy; but when they are bad, I will keep my gaze on Jesus and remind myself over and over again that He is the maker of all days, therefore, making them all good (Ecclesiastes 7:14). But more than anything, I just want to know Christ. More and more of Him, even if it means I suffer for His name's sake (Philippians 3:10).
There will come a day when all my hopes and visions and longings become a reality. I know it's coming soon, and because of that, I find myself becoming more and more anxious and impatient. In the midst of my desire to go into all nations, as He has commanded me to be patient and to trust Him, I can almost hear Him chuckle at how out-of-control I can be. He knows how ready I am (because, let's be honest, no one knows me better than my Jesus), but He also knows that there is more I need to learn and more roots I need to develop and more scriptures my heart needs to meditate on and more heartbroken I must become in order to truly impact the nations with His love and mercy. So, as I wait, I will draw nearer and nearer to His heart. And I will be thankful for days like today, because that's when I feel closest to the One who breathed life into my lungs. He is teaching me just how to have my heart break for the things that break His, and while it may hurt to my very core, almost to the point where I can barely stand it, it is such a blessing to collapse into the arms of Christ and be filled by Him.
"With every breath I breath, with every song I sing, I want to shout it out. Lord, I am listening to every word you speak. I'll go where you will lead. To love the least of these is my greatest offering."
-All Sons and Daughters
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
-2 Corinthians 12:9-10