When I graduated from Clemson
University in August of 2010 with a degree in Therapeutic Recreation, I was
certain that I was ready to take on the world, especially after graduating
early and devoting an entire summer to working for a physical rehabilitation
center in Pomona, California called Outdoor Adventures. You can imagine my
surprise when I came home, after living out my dream on the west coast for four
month that the only jobs available for my degree were to be an activities
director for a nursing home. Although I respect those who do that for a living,
I was not convinced that I was the best one to fulfill that role. I opted to
look elsewhere after spending two months job-searching like a mad woman and realized
that I was not going to find a job doing what I thought I was supposed to do. I
needed to look elsewhere. I applied for a preschool teaching position at a
nearby child development center, got the job, and spent the next three and a
half years loving every child who came into my classroom like he or she was my
own.
About a year a half ago, I began to
feel like my time at City Kids was coming to an end, and even though the
thought of leaving my kiddos was heartbreaking, I was fearful of what would
come next because I legitimately had no idea what path I would be led down. I
began to pray specifically that my Father would take away my desire to control
everything while He taught me to trust in His guidance, a prayer that has
always been hardest to pray. I have always been a girl who loves to pray, even
when I was little, but many of my prayers seemed to have something in common:
me bringing my plans to the Lord and asking Him to bless them. I was well aware
of this habit He had been trying for years to break me of, so ignorance was not
an option. For the very first time in my whole life, I wholeheartedly placed my
hands before the Creator of my every moment and asked Him to fill them with His
plans, His good and perfect will for my life. That might not sound scary to
most of you, but for me, it was submitting to uncertainty, something my little
need-to-plan-everything self was doing for the very first time.
His providence and provision
throughout the entire process of discerning,
researching, applying, getting accepted into, and completing graduate
school has been abundant in mercy, and it’s really hard to wrap my mind around
the fact that only nine months after beginning the program for Biblical
Counseling at Bob Jones University, my school is almost done. The perfect
timing of the Almighty God has left me breathless more times than I can begin
to count since January, and I know He’s not done yet. December is quickly
approaching, and although my stress levels have been higher than normal since
beginning this program, I am unbelievably thankful for the opportunity I have
been granted to constantly study the Word of God as He grows my faith in Him. I
have made incredible, God-fearing friends who genuinely delight in praying for
the requests I bring to them, something I have never known before. Not only
that, but I have also learned under the teaching of the most brilliant scholars
of the Bible I've ever met, been introduced to solid biblical literature I
never knew existed, and received countless challenges to live a holy life that
is pleasing to God that are hard to swallow and even harder to digest.
I look forward to bringing my
newborn baby boy to campus so that he can meet all those who have prayed over
him for so long, sit through chapel (where he was always squirmiest), and hear
the voices that he heard the whole time he was in the womb singing hymns of
praise to the One who created him. This past year has been the best year of my
life, but I know that I am only being prepared for the next best years that are
to follow. Sure, I've cried a lot because of various situations, and my heart
has broken more times than ever before, but I rejoice because my tears indicate
that I am continually learning of the Father’s heart for His creation, we who
are constantly running away from the God who never stops pursuing us. Though I
am aware that what comes next will be the most heart-wrenching and difficult
thing I have ever done, I find comfort in the arms of the Wonderful Counselor
who whispers over and over to me that I don’t have to be perfect. The perfect
wife, the perfect mom, the perfect counselor, the perfect follower of Christ. I
will fail, and I know that when those times come, it will hurt, but thanks be
to the Father that He still loves me on my worst days. In His perfect love, He
has clothed me in the righteousness of His Son, Jesus Christ, and that
beautiful, sure foundation will forever push me to seek harder after Him, to
want to know Him more, to demonstrate a life of forgiveness, to shed joyful
tears. To tell the world what He has done for me.
"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."
-Micah 6:8
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