For as long as I can remember, this has always been a part of my life: change. Sometimes I brought it upon myself because it needed to happen, and other times I had no say in the matter. People run from change; we avoid it like a plague, and there have been more than a few times in my life when I have done the same. I've never been scared or fearful of change, but I've prayed for it not to come, usually because I'm comfortably nestled into a routine that works. But guess what? It still comes.
Today, I had the pleasure of being swooped up into a whirlwind of change: as of February 3, 2012, Ms. Anna is the new K-4 teacher at City Kids Child Development Center (again). Around this time last year, I was given my own classroom full of four year-olds, and now the cycle has repeated. Sounds exciting, right? Well, it definitely is. Or at least it will be once I get over the heartache of prematurely leaving twelve of the most precious kids ever created behind with another teacher. In just a few months, they'll all be coming back to me (and I am very thankful for that), but my heart still hurts. It's times like these that make having a heart that's way too big for your body not so fun. But I would never choose to love any of them less, not a single one of them, even if it meant that it would make this transition a little less difficult.
I knew it was coming, even though I selfishly prayed that it wouldn't. I told Teesh just last week that I was going to stand my ground and tell my director that I didn't want to move and that I did enough around there as it is. As you can tell, that's exactly how it went down. Sike! As soon as they called me into the office, I knew what the conversation would be about. I burst into tears the moment they asked me to take over K-4, for several reasons, but mostly because the little voice inside me (who I like to call Jesus) spoke up and told me I was what they needed. I don't know about you, but I've found it to be the most humbling experience to be used by God, so I agreed to make the switch. Who am I to say no to the Creator of the universe?
There's a reason that all the kids I get to call mine respond so well to me and love me and go home talking about me all night long and wake up excited to come to school just so they can see Ms. Anna: it's because I love them back. I love them a whole lot back. And most importantly, I try my best to love them the way Jesus loves me. Jesus changes things, and it's a difference that you can see plain as day on any given day in my class at City Kids Child Development Center and all around the world. Discipline accompanied by love is powerful, and any child that has ever experienced it is proof of it.
Wherever the Lord will make the most out of Himself through me is where I want to be, even though my flesh may hate the very thought of it. His glory is what we're here for anyway, right? Right. I may still cry and miss my kiddos and struggle to transform another classroom into my own, but I'll smile and joyfully praise my Savior through it all. My flesh may win out sometimes, but I'll be putting up the fight of my life, all because I'm being used in raising up a generation by a God who could do it all by himself. He chose me, therefore I choose him. He loved me, therefore I love him. He is my strength and my shield and my portion forever. It's my prayer that He will bring His kingdom down to dwell in Ms. Anna's K-4 classroom, and that everyone will see a light shining from that last door on the right at the end of the hall.
"And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the spirit, because the spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."