Friday, June 22, 2012

my heart, as of late.

The more I learn about Jesus and the closer I get to living as if I am, indeed, created in His image, the more burdened I become. This week, in particular, I have felt like the weight of the world was resting on every prayer I prayed. It's a tremendous blessing to feel this way, really, because it pushes me to draw nearer and nearer to the heart of Jesus, but I would be lying if I told you that it wasn't exhausting. Over the past few months, I've learned a whole lot about two things: my inadequacy and His sufficiency. As scriptures promise, His power has, indeed, been made perfect in my weakness. The new challenges I face create need for new submission, and reminds me that my only hope is to trust in Him.

As much as I wish I could, I know I can't save the people I love. I still have hope that one day someone will say the right thing at the right time, and that spark in their eyes will ignite for the first time. I have faith in my Almighty Father which leads me to love with an unconditional love which, then, leads to an everlasting hope that my Jesus will come through and save the day. Every day. I believe that my God is a god of the impossible, and I refuse to give into my flesh and choose a less enduring path to follow as I continue to live this life that He has given to me. Instead of trying to do everything by myself, I must decide every single morning to partner with Christ for His kingdom come. My flesh hates it, but my spirit thrives on it.

I will live a life that can be explained only by the existence of a God who is infinitely great.
I will not choose a life of complacency.
I will not live by the approval of others.
I will not settle for less than I was created for.
I will choose compassion.
I will not focus on my failures, but on His forgiveness.
I will maintain a heavenly perspective, knowing that He wins.
I will care more about His name than I will about my own.
I will be profoundly committed to my Jesus.

I know what it means to be burdened for a need. I, also, know that there is a huge difference between giving up and surrendering. My ability to embrace that difference, on the other hand, depends solely on my dependence on Him. My prayer is that I will devote my entire existence to crying out to Jesus in the midst of my anguish and despair, and still praise and elevate His name. Even though the pleasures of a life at ease beckon my flesh to settle, I'd rather take the heartache and pain that will come my way through living a life of obedience to Jesus. Just like Peter and John in Acts, I can't keep all of the miraculous things I have seen and heard to myself.

"The best prayer is not for God to change our circumstances, but for God to change us."
-C.S. Lewis

"Our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."
-Romans 8:18

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things."
-Philippians 3:7-8

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