heavy heart, hopeful spirit.

Death isn't something that I've ever been fond of, but it's something that has continually been a friend of mine. In my brief twenty-three years, it has crept up on me numerous times, and it never gets any easier to deal with. The closer the person is to me, the harder it is to get a grip on reality and to find the strength the roll out of bed in the morning. The more I love them, the more it crushes. I'm no stranger to disappointment and heartache, and I know what it's like to cry myself to sleep to the point where there are no tears left to fall. Three days ago, our lives were shaken and turned upside down. It's hard to put into words just how it feels to receive news that you never dreamed you'd ever have to hear, and it's even harder to describe feeling your heart break into a million tiny pieces seconds later. Gripping my Bible with one hand and the steering wheel with the other, I cried and screamed out to Jesus in the moment. Our beloved Andy was in a motorcycle accident and did not survive. We have all mourned to the point of exhaustion the past several days.

Yet, even in the midst of my sorrow and despair, I find peace in the comfort of the arms of Christ. I believe that lives will be changed for the better through this tragedy. I believe that there is a purpose behind this anguish that is greater than ourselves. I believe that Christ is gracious and merciful, and I will cling to His heart and His hands through this agonizing time. He is the only one that sustains, and I will run to Him, broken heart and crushed spirit in hand, fully confident that He will restore and renew. Nothing other than Jesus Christ, himself, is going to get us through this, and I will not hesitate to give Him all the glory due to His name, even though I don't understand.

Andy, better known to me as A-Dub, will live on inside of each of our hearts and minds; he will forever reside in the stories we tell and the memories that we won't ever forget. I was blessed beyond belief to know A-Dub as a friend and brother-in-law, and I will never think about him without smiling through my tears and thanking Jesus for giving me the opportunity to know and love someone so incredible. My life was changed by this man, and that's something I won't ever forget or take for granted. Not even for a second.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

-Matthew 5:4