Friday, February 11, 2011

this is the moment.

Francesca is right. It's our life. It's mine and it's yours. No one else's. And since that's the case, what am I doing with mine? What are you doing with yours? Do we even take the time to look around us at all? Or do we just get by however we can and just continue on with our heads hanging low? How do I handle my past regrets? My current let-downs? What would I do if my entire world came crashing down tomorrow? How would I respond? What am I doing right now to make sure that people's lives are being changed because of me? Am I doing anything at all? Or am I too busy sticking my bottom lip out so all the world will see that I've given up? Have I forgotten that the fight is worth it?

These are questions that I ask myself every single day. They're huge questions with answers so important that my teeny tiny little brain can't even comprehend. That's were Jesus comes in. Without him, this whole "life" thing is worthless. Crap. Good for nothing. Is that the kind of "life" I want to live? Absolutely, under no circumstances, not. Jeremiah 3 says that when we turn to worthless idols (be it money, relationships. alcohol, whatever), we, too, become worthless. That's some scary stuff when you really think about the depth of that one verse.

Have I become worthless? Have I let myself be defined by what others think of me or how others treat me? Do I care more about my day-in-day-out routine as a human or my entitlement to the kingdom of heaven because of what Jesus did for me? Just like everyone, I hope my life portrays the latter. But does it really? Am I just merely surviving through each day or do I wake up each and every morning determined to live in the hope and joy that is found in Jesus Christ? Is the light that I give off so bright that people have to squint when they look at me? Do I produce light at all?

What does my heart beat for? Am I who I always said I would be? Have I forgotten who I was created to be? Have I lost that little nine year-old girl who walked down the aisle on June 21, 1998 and invited Jesus to live in my heart for ever and always? Do I still believe in the good of every human being on this earth? Do I believe in the mighty power of God that makes the blind see and the lame walk?

It's my life. I get to live it however I want to. And I choose to live it for Jesus, whatever that looks like. At work and at home and out to eat and at the movies and the mall and driving down the road. Whatever it looks like at any given moment to share the love of Jesus, I pray I never get tired of showing it. In sunshine and in rain, my hope will always come from the Lord. His grace and mercy and love are still changing me. I'm not who I was, but I'm also not who I'm going to be.

I'm going to mess up and feel ashamed and take the easy way out and cheat and lie and steal and do a lot of the things I always said I'd never do. But I will rise from the ashes, and he will make me beautiful over and over again.

Thank you, Lord, for not being finished with me yet.

And, for the record, he's not finished with you, either. So why not stop acting like he is?

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."
2 Corinthians 12:9

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