I held our baby boy for the first moments of his life, but wasn't able to hold him again for two days. I know he got plenty of lovin' while I was recovering and away from him during that time, but my heart ached even in my state of delirium over the hard truth that none of that lovin' was coming from me. Once I was released from CCU on Wednesday evening and began settling in to my hospital room (a.k.a. home) for the next week, I'll never forget how my heart nearly stopped beating at the sight of him being rolled into the room laying in his little bassinet. I couldn't wait to get my hands on him!
One night, in particular, all he did was stare at me for hours. Everyone in the room was giggling at how cute his little eyes were as they remained locked to mine. I'll never know why he was so amazed during that time, but I like to think that he knew exactly who I was and that he wanted me to rest in the truth that even though I was unable to take care of him like he needed during the time I was in the hospital, I would be doing my best to care for him as soon as I could. His eyes quietly + boldly assured me that he would never need anyone else like he would need me.
We've been home for two weeks now, and although I'm still physically + emotionally healing from the unexpected trials that our family faced following his delivery, the Lord has been so faithful in granting me the strength + endurance needed to make sure he stays clean + cuddled + comatose (from milk, that is). So much of that strength + endurance has come from all of our family + friends that have been rallying around us since things went from blissful to complicated, and I am fully aware that without
them you, I wouldn't be near as well as I am today. We have such a good Father who heard the prayers of His people crying out on my behalf and answered by keeping me alive + reminding death that He has won the victory for me. I see His face every time I look at my little boy, and I know that I always will.
"But the Lord stood with me and gave me strength."
-2 Timothy 4:17