Friday, September 23, 2016

kissing the wave.

Four years ago, we were just two newlyweds who were getting our feet wet in this thing called adulthood. And in just two short weeks, Lord willing, we will walk out the front door and say goodbye to our precious bungalow forever.
I teared up while typing that one simple sentence, and there have been a lot of tears leading up to that very bittersweet day. We weren't expecting to move just yet, even though we knew that we wouldn't be here forever, but we heard the Lord tell us it was time so we obeyed.

His timing was confirmed when our house was under contract in less than a day, and everything was moving along nicely with packing and preparing to move and looking forward to the next place that we would call our home...then Wednesday happened. It came out of nowhere, much like our decision to move did, and we are still processing how it went from all good to no good so fast.

Prayer has been our lifeline throughout the previous few months of seeking wisdom, and God has comforted, encouraged, and strengthened us through all of it. Yesterday morning while I was praying and reading in the wee hours of the morning before Braxton woke up, I was asking God to help us continue to trust Him and follow where He leads, but I also asked Him questions, too. I used to be scared to tell Him how I really felt, but He has taught me that there is nothing I can say that will scare Him off or make Him love me less. So, on this particular morning, I asked Him one specific question:

Lord, I know I heard angels singing when we first walked into our hopeful home. I know I did. And I told people that I did. Why would they sing if this wasn't supposed to be our home? Why would you let me hear them?

I confessed my confusion, professed my desire to depend on Him through this time of uncertainty, praised Him for all that I know He's doing that I can't quite see yet, and said "amen."

After I finished reading and giddily enjoyed the silence and my hot coffee (with pumpkin spice creamer in honor of the first day of fall, of course), I quickly skimmed through Instagram as I heard B begin to move and talk from the other side of the wall.

That's when I saw it.

I immediately tossed my phone to the side, reopened my Bible, turned to Psalm 34, and began reading through tears:

"I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the LORD; let the humble be glad. Oh, magnify the LORD with me, let us exalt his name together! I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!"
(Psalm 34:1-8)

Did you catch that?


It was in that moment that God said to me, "The voice you heard when you first entered the house was not one of confirmation that it would be your home, but rather that I would protect you from beginning to end."

I had, indeed, heard a song, but I misinterpreted the lyrics.

He knew I would love that house as soon as I opened the door, and He sang a song of protection over us. A song of sovereign providence. A song of love.

And now, even though we will no longer have a home to call our own in just two short weeks, we have a song to play over and over and over again until He reveals just what He has planned for us. You'd think that stepping out into the unknown would be quite terrifying, but we are learning that peace is not found in our circumstances but rather in our Father.

He is meeting us in imperfect places with His perfect assurance, and our hope is being further rooted in Peace as a person, not as a thing.

Charles Spurgeon said it best: "I have learned to kiss the wave that slams me into the Rock of Ages."

I don't know a whole lot, but there is one thing I am sure of: we are fiercely, unconditionally, and gloriously loved by Jesus.

Therefore, the waves that seek to drown us are simply pushing us towards Him, our mighty Rock of Ages. This storm won't last forever, and even when it does come to an end, I pray that we will look back on this season and recall the faithful protection of our Lord.

Oh, what a beautiful thing to be so close to Jesus that it doesn't feel like there's even a storm raging around us at all.

Yes, I think this is what it feels like to kiss the wave.

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